Magazine
The Truth About Building a Target Registry for Your Baby
I was seven months pregnant with my oldest, sweating through my maternity leggings in the middle of a Target aisle, clutching a plastic barcode scanner like it was a weapon. My mom was tossing wipe warmers and tiny, pointless patent...
A Dad's Panic Over iPad Search Histories and the Tar Baby Meaning
Dear Marcus from six months ago: Put down the cold brew. Stop hyperventilating over the iPad browser history. Your nine-year-old niece who's crashing at your house for the weekend isn't a secret 19th-century racist, and your 11-month-old son (who currently...
Dear Tom: Put down the Sweet Baby Ray's immediately
Dear Tom of six months ago. It's Sunday afternoon, you're standing in the back garden holding a plastic squeeze bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's, and you're about to make a terrible, deeply sticky mistake. I know exactly what you're thinking....
The absolute truth about those sweet baby inc games you heard about
Tuesday night is usually reserved for mindless scrolling and pretending I'm going to fold the laundry. Instead, my phone buzzed with a WhatsApp forward from a local parent group. The message was entirely in caps, warning us to protect our...
Dear Me: Why "Sweet Baby Inc Detected" Isn't A Recall
You're currently sitting on the freezing hexagonal tiles of your downstairs half-bath at 2:14 AM. The house is completely silent except for the low, rhythmic sound of Dave snoring through the baby monitor and the hum of the refrigerator. You're...
The Myth of the Perfect Infant: Debugging Your First Months
I spent the first three weeks of my son's life waiting for him to become a compliant user. You know the cultural trope we're all soldβthe angelic, soft-focus newborn sleeping peacefully in a bassinet while the parents drink hot coffee....
Raising a Sun Baby: A Pale British Fatherβs Guide to UV Survival
Maya is currently doing an impressive impression of an oiled piglet at a country fair, streaking across the scorched grass of Clapham Common while I trail a few paces behind her with a handful of thick, chalky white zinc cream....
The Real Meaning Behind Sugar Babies For Tired Moms
Five pounds of Gold Medal all-purpose flour hit my linoleum floor with a sound like a muted gunshot. A white cloud plumed up, coating my scrubs, my sneakers, and the crying actual human infant strapped to my chest. I was...
The Honest Truth About Giving Sugar Candy To Babies Before Two
Listen. My mother-in-law had a literal sugar babies candy poised right over my six-month-old's mouth at a family Diwali party last year. I intercepted that little caramel nugget like an off-duty linebacker. She looked at me like I'd just slapped...