The ugly truth about that neon plastic baby play gym you just bought
I was sitting cross-legged on my living room rug at three in the morning, holding a screwdriver and weeping quietly over a piece of molded plastic that required four D batteries. The box promised it would stimulate my newborn's cognitive...
The Absurd Reality of Dressing Babies in Wood Pulp
When we first decided to investigate the sheer volume of apparel made from bamboo flooding our social media feeds, I received three entirely contradictory pieces of advice within a single Tuesday. My mum, a woman who still quietly believes a...
A Clueless Dad's Guide to Surviving Sunscreen for Babies This Summer
I'm currently pinning my eleven-month-old son against my chest with my left forearm while my right hand desperately tries to smear a thick, chalky white paste across his nose. He is thrashing like a crocodile in a death roll. He...
Surviving the pink tulle avalanche: Practical presents for girls
I was staring at a mountain of aggressively pink tulle that had somehow swallowed our entire living room. It was day four with twin girls, the house smelled vaguely of sour milk and sheer desperation, and the delivery driver had...
Why I Stopped Trusting the Internet About Early Development Toys
When my son was about four days old, my mother-in-law bought us a plastic command center that flashed strobe lights and yelled the alphabet in a robotic British accent. "He needs cognitive stimulation," she told me with absolute certainty. The...
Exposing the Real Job of a Brand Ambassador in the Baby World
I was sitting on my living room rug at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, trying to bribe my screaming toddler with a half-eaten graham cracker so he would hold a wooden rattle for exactly three seconds. The natural...
The Great Bath Time Scam: What To Actually Put On Infant Skin
I was standing in aisle 14 of Target at 8:47 PM on a Tuesday, wearing my husbandβs paint-stained sweatpants and aggressively clutching a lukewarm oat milk latte. My phone was vibrating out of my hand with three different text threads....
The Truth About Why Your Baby Ignores Their Expensive Playthings
It was December 2017, and my oldest, Leo, was exactly six months old. I remember this vividly because I was wearing black maternity leggings that smelled vaguely of spit-up and a nursing bra I hadn't washed inβyou know what, let's...
A Letter To Past Me About The Great Baby Soap Delusion Of 2023
Dear Tom of six months ago. I see you standing in the baby aisle at Boots at 4:30 PM on a dreary Tuesday. You're holding a bottle of lavender-scented, midnight-calming, ultra-foaming wash in your left hand, and a Β£24 artisanal...