Magazine

A tired father wearing his baby in a carrier while working on a laptop at a kitchen island.

Debugging Fatherhood: What Silverbacks Taught Me About Babies

I was standing in our Portland kitchen at 3 AM, wearing a stained t-shirt and intensely color-coding my son's diaper output in a spreadsheet, when I realized my troubleshooting manual for fatherhood was completely corrupted. The lactation consultant at the...

Read more

A sleep-deprived dad staring blankly at a hardware-mounted stair barrier while twin toddlers plot to dismantle it

The Complete Disaster of Buying a Baby Gate for Stairs

I'm halfway down the staircase, suspended entirely in mid-air at 2:14 in the morning, clutching a sticky bottle of strawberry Calpol in one hand and a shrieking twenty-pound toddler in the other. My left foot has just hooked firmly under...

Read more

A father looking at his glowing smartphone in a dark nursery while holding a sleeping infant.

What a Baby Flamingo Taught Me About the 50/50 Parenting Split

The digital meat thermometer flashed 98.6 degrees, which meant the bottle of pumped breastmilk I was holding was exactly best for human consumption. It was 3:17 AM on a Tuesday, the Portland rain was actively trying to dissolve our bedroom...

Read more

A dad looking confused at a pregnancy tracking app on his phone

The truth about baby bump timelines and why apps lie to you

I was standing in our kitchen holding a retractable Stanley tape measure against my wife's stomach, trying to log exactly how many centimeters her abdomen had grown since the previous Tuesday. She looked down at me like I was trying...

Read more

Exhausted father staring at a baby name book while holding a cup of lukewarm tea.

The Absurd Quest for Baby Boy Names Unique Enough Not to Be Steve

My mother-in-law cornered me by the kettle at week twelve of the pregnancy to insist that strong, traditional English names like Arthur or George were the only guaranteed way to prevent a child from a life of petty criminality, while...

Read more

A dad holding his baby looking confused at an iPad playing an 80s movie.

Why the Three Men and a Baby Cast Lied to Us About Fatherhood

It was 3:14 AM, my 11-month-old son was attached to a bottle, and the glowing screen of my iPad was illuminating my deeply exhausted face. I was watching an 80s comedy classic to stay awake, watching Tom Selleck hold a...

Read more

Exhausted dad sitting in the dark holding a crying baby while looking at a smartphone

System Meltdown: A Clueless Dad's Guide to Surviving Colic in Babies

I was bouncing on a half-inflated yoga ball at 140 beats per minute, frantically whispering "shhh" while my five-week-old son screamed so aggressively his face looked like a boiled lobster. My Apple Watch buzzed to congratulate me on my intense...

Read more

A tired dad looking at his swaddled newborn baby making a strange face.

What's That Supposed to Be About Baby? Decoding Newborn Quirks

I was holding my iPhone flashlight over my daughter's bassinet at 3:14 AM, trying to see if her tongue was vibrating. She was making this rapid-fire clicking sound that sounded exactly like a dying hard drive. I had my other...

Read more

Confused dad looking at a fledgling bird in the grass while holding a baby

What to Do When Your Toddler Finds a Baby Bird in the Backyard

I'm currently crouched in the damp Portland mud, holding my 11-month-old by the back of his diaper like a defective briefcase, while we both stare at a violently vibrating clump of feathers in the grass. It looks like a moldy...

Read more