That time we met a stranded sea sausage on the Norfolk beach
We were halfway across a devastatingly windy, aggressively grey stretch of the Norfolk coastline when one of the twins pointed a sandy, half-eaten breadstick at what appeared to be an abandoned sleeping bag. It was a bleak Tuesday in October,...
The Truth About Those Hypnotic Dancing Fruit Videos
The steam from the shower was fogging up my phone screen, but I could still hear the upbeat, slightly manic techno music bouncing off the bathroom tile. My oldest, Tyler, was strapped into his bouncer chair next to the toilet,...
Surviving the Neon Chaos of Baby Shark's Big Show with Twins
"Don't let them watch it, it completely ruins their developing attention span," said Sarah from our NCT group, sipping a decaf flat white while her only child quietly consumed an artisanal lentil. "Just put it on, mate, it's the only...
Surviving the pink tulle trap of modern girl baby showers
I was exactly twenty-eight weeks pregnant, sitting on the floor of my Chicago apartment, surrounded by three garbage bags of neon pink tulle. My mother-in-law had just left after proudly declaring my upcoming baby show would be a princess paradise....
Processing the Baby Storme News While Riding Out a Real Storm
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wedged between a vacuum cleaner and a giant cardboard box of winter coats in our windowless hallway closet, trying to keep a four-year-old, a two-year-old, and a four-month-old quiet while...
The Great Debate Over Baby Birkenstocks And Tiny Cork Sandals
My mother-in-law sent me a link to some terrifying, Victorian-looking orthopaedic boots at 7:00 AM on a Tuesday, insisting the twins needed them the second they pulled themselves up to stand. That same afternoon, my NCT mateβa lovely woman who...
What I Wish I Knew Before Buying a Bike Seat for My Baby
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the concrete floor of the garage, sweating through your favorite oversized t-shirt in this humid Texas heat, trying to decipher an instruction manual that appears to be written entirely in...
Dear Past Me: Surviving a Baby Bed Bug Nursery Infestation
Dear Past Jess, It's 3:14 AM. You're standing in the middle of the nursery in your mismatched pajamas, holding your phone flashlight exactly two inches from the crib mattress, trying your absolute hardest not to wake the baby or hyperventilate....
What Raising a Baby, a Billionaire, and Me Have in Common
I was six months pregnant with my oldestβwho, bless his heart, has become my walking cautionary tale for every single parenting mistake in the bookβwhen three completely different people cornered me at my baby shower with unsolicited advice on how...