What a Teen Pop Anthem Taught Me About Raising Kids
"Alexa, volume ten!" Those were the words that completely shattered my peaceful Tuesday morning while I was wrist-deep in sorting out a laundry basket full of crusty toddler socks. My oldest boy, Hunter, who's currently serving as my daily cautionary...
The Great Fever Myth: Surviving Your ZΓ€hne Baby's Worst Days
Itβs 3:17 am, and I'm holding a plastic thermometer to my daughter Lilyβs ear while she attempts to perform a violent exorcism on herself. The digital display flashes an angry red 39.5Β°C. For three days prior, my Swiss mother-in-law had...
When Do Babies Teeth? An Honest Timeline For Exhausted Parents
I was standing in the checkout line at Trader Joe's in 2019, balancing a frozen pizza on my hip because I didn't grab a cart, when the contradictory advice started. Maya was about five months old, wearing a mustard yellow...
Surviving the "Kill Me Baby" Phase Without Losing Your Mind
It's 3:14 in the morning and I'm standing barefoot in the kitchen, perfectly balanced on a rogue piece of Duplo that's currently attempting to pierce my heel bone. Twin A is upstairs executing a flawless impression of a faulty car...
Surviving Big Baby Davis: Raising A Literal Ten-Pound Newborn
"Are you absolutely sure there's only one in there?" I was staring at the popcorn ceiling of my OB's office in rural Texas, slick with that freezing blue ultrasound gel, while the poor tech just kept measuring and re-measuring my...
Teething Nightmares, 90s Nostalgia, and the Vanilla Ice Ice Ice Baby
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and our kitchen floor was aggressively cold. Maya was six months old and shrieking like a tiny, angry banshee because her bottom left tooth was trying to break through her gums with the...
Why Your Teething Toddler Acts Like a Wild Baby Crocodile
"Bite him back," my mom told me over the phone last Tuesday while I sat on the kitchen floor and iced the fresh, purple teeth marks on my forearm. "That'll teach him right quick." Meanwhile, the crunchy preschool director had...
Orajel Baby Madness: Why Teething Advice Is Completely Broken
"Rub some brandy on their gums," my mother-in-law advised over a Sunday roast, looking at me as if I was the village idiot for not having a hip flask ready next to the changing mat. "Just use the blue teething...
The brutal reality of when do baby teeth come in for parents
The radiator in our Chicago apartment was making that rhythmic metallic clanking sound it only makes at three in the morning. I was sitting on the edge of the nursery glider, unbuttoning a soaked baby tee in the dark because...