The Great Baby Markt Meltdown (And What You Actually Need)
I was exactly thirty-four weeks pregnant with my oldest son, sitting on the cold bathroom tile at two in the morning, openly weeping over a seventy-dollar wipe warmer. My phone was glowing in the dark with fourteen different tabs open,...
The Truth About Suntan Lotion for Newborns (And Summer Survival)
It was 28 degrees in London, which means the pavements were melting, the Central Line had become a mobile sauna, and everyone was suddenly terribly aggressive about acquiring ice lollies. I was standing in the sun care aisle of Boots,...
The Truth About Dressing Your Daughter (Without Losing Your Mind)
I was thirty-four weeks pregnant, sitting on the floor of our Chicago apartment, staring at a miniature denim jacket. It was roughly the size of a large grapefruit and as stiff as a piece of cardboard. Someone had given it...
A Letter To Past Me About The Great Baby Soap Delusion Of 2023
Dear Tom of six months ago. I see you standing in the baby aisle at Boots at 4:30 PM on a dreary Tuesday. You're holding a bottle of lavender-scented, midnight-calming, ultra-foaming wash in your left hand, and a Β£24 artisanal...
Elektrische ZahnbΓΌrste Kinder: Unser absurdes Dental-Debugging
Letzten Sonntag beim Barbecue hier in Portland stand ich mit einem Kleinkind auf dem Arm, das gerade hingebungsvoll auf einer Fernbedienung herumkaute, und bekam von drei verschiedenen Leuten drei komplett gegensΓ€tzliche Updates fΓΌr meine vΓ€terliche Firmware aufgedrΓ€ngt. Meine Mutter meinte,...
The brutal truth about buying baby clothes for boys
I was sweating through my nursing tank trying to force my four-month-old's rigid, chubby little legs into a pair of miniature selvedge denim jeans. My mother-in-law was arriving in ten minutes for a family dinner. He looked like a tiny...
The miniature adult wardrobe myth and how to actually dress him
We were twenty minutes into my cousin's wedding ceremony when the tiny linen suspenders finally gave way. My son was wearing what the internet told me was mandatory for formal family events, which was essentially a miniature three-piece suit that...
Dear past me: Burn the denim and other late night revelations
You're currently staring at a mustard-colored stain that has breached the diaper perimeter and is rapidly advancing toward his armpits. It's 3:14 AM. You're trying to unfasten a tiny, rigid denim overall set with six microscopic metal buttons while your...
Baby Sunscreen: The Messy Truth About Mineral Paste Deployment
For the first six months of my daughter's life, I operated under the delusion that a standard Portland overcast day was basically nature's SPF. I figured the thick gray blanket of clouds hanging over the city was a built-in forcefield...