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The Absurd Reality of Buying Newborn Outfits for the First Time
It's 4:13 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm actively wrestling a pair of miniature, stiff denim jeans onto a creature that has the structural integrity of a warm Yorkshire pudding. This was my grand introduction to the greatest myth of...
The sweet potato incident and the messy truth about infant spoons
There was sweet potato puree on the ceiling. I still don't fully understand the physics of how it got there, but there it was, a bright orange smear right next to the smoke detector in our Chicago apartment. My son...
Exposing the Real Job of a Brand Ambassador in the Baby World
I was sitting on my living room rug at two in the afternoon on a Tuesday, trying to bribe my screaming toddler with a half-eaten graham cracker so he would hold a wooden rattle for exactly three seconds. The natural...
The Great Baby Blanket Confusion: What Are Receiving Blankets?
When I was pregnant with my oldest (bless his chaotic, fiercely independent heart), my mom told me I needed at least twenty flannel blankets because babies are fundamentally leaky creatures. Two days later, my mother-in-law handed me a stack of...
Data-Obsessed Dad Review: The Truth About the Pampers Club App
It's 3:14 AM, the ambient temperature in the nursery is exactly 68.5 degrees, and I've a small LED flashlight gripped firmly between my teeth. I'm trying to smooth out a crinkled plastic wrapper from a fresh sleeve of Swaddlers so...
The Sandwich Generation Survival Guide to the Adult Bib
I was wearing my husband Dave's faded Syracuse hoodieβthe one with the fraying cuffs that smells faintly of old garlic because he refuses to let me wash it on hotβwhen the coffee went airborne. It was exactly 9:14 AM on...
Dear past Priya: The unapologetic guide to kinder kleider
You're currently pinned to the nursery floor. Your toddler is starfish-spread across the rug, screaming because his green pants feel too spicy today. You're sweating through your scrub top, twenty minutes late for your shift at Rush, staring at a...
3 AM Blowouts and the Brutal Truth About a Baby Onesie
It was three in the morning in our drafty Chicago apartment when the smell hit me. Not the standard sweet-sour milk smell, but a toxic, biological hazard level stench that wakes you from a dead sleep. I flipped on the...
The Great Bath Time Scam: What To Actually Put On Infant Skin
I was standing in aisle 14 of Target at 8:47 PM on a Tuesday, wearing my husbandβs paint-stained sweatpants and aggressively clutching a lukewarm oat milk latte. My phone was vibrating out of my hand with three different text threads....