Magazine

A dad looking at a laptop screen next to a sleeping baby

Why I Let a Baby Name Generator Pick My Kid's Name

I was staring at a shared Google Sheet at two in the morning when I realized our entire naming protocol was fundamentally broken. My mother had just called to advise us to pick something "biblical but not weird," whatever that...

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Baby boy wearing an organic cotton pullover looking deeply confused by a winter jacket

A Letter to Myself on Debugging a Baby Boy's Winter Wardrobe

You're currently standing in the nursery at 2:14 AM, holding a laser thermometer and pointing it at the baseboards because the room is reading 69.8 degrees instead of your meticulously programmed 71.2 degrees. Your five-month-old son is asleep, but you're...

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Mom sitting on kitchen floor drinking coffee looking exhausted

Dear Past Me: The Truth About Parenting Lifelines and Sanity

Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You’re sitting on the sticky linoleum floor in the kitchen right next to the dog's water bowl. You're wearing Dave’s oversized gray hoodie that smells faintly of old garlic and you're mainlining your...

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A frustrated dad holding a tiny polyester pumpkin outfit in a dimly lit hallway.

Surviving the polyester nightmare of baby halloween costumes

It was 5:42 PM on a Tuesday in late October, and I was standing in the drizzling rain behind a Vauxhall Astra, trying to forcefully snap the gusset of a synthetic velvet pumpkin over my screaming two-year-old’s nappy. Her twin...

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Dad researching safe piercing spots on his phone while holding his sleeping baby

Finding Safe Baby Ear Piercing Near Me: A Dad’s Honest Review

Hey Marcus from six months ago. You're currently sitting in the dark, bathed in the blue light of your phone at 2:14 AM while Maya sleeps on your chest, casually typing baby ear piercing near me into Google Maps like...

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A dad looking panicked at his smart phone while a baby plays on a wooden gym.

Dear Past Marcus: Lil Nas X Industry Baby is Not a Nursery Song

Dear Marcus of exactly six months ago, Picture this exact scenario, because you're going to live it soon enough. You're standing in the kitchen, aggressively whisking a bottle of formula at 2:14 PM, wearing a gray t-shirt that hasn't seen...

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A dad staring at a collapsed block tower while his loser baby cries on a wooden play mat.

Why The Sore Loser Baby Phase Feels Like A Fatal System Error

7:14 PM. The structural integrity of the three-block tower has failed. My 11-month-old son, Leo, is staring at the fallen soft rubber cubes like they just insulted his ancestors. His face turns the color of a locally sourced Portland beet,...

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A wet Newton mattress core drying in a Portland bathtub

Why I Hosed Down Our Newton Baby Crib Mattress at 2 AM

It was 3:14 AM. The infrared glow of the Nanit monitor showed a gray, pixelated blob that used to be my daughter, but now she was completely face-down. Smashed directly into the mattress fibers. I watched the screen, waiting for...

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Sleep deprived dad practicing tying the solly baby wrap in the living room

My 3 AM Battle with the Solly Baby: 15 Feet of Fabric vs Dad

Before my son arrived, everyone had a totally conflicting theory about how I was supposed to carry him around. My sister-in-law told me to just buy a canvas backpack thing with heavy plastic buckles and strap him to my chest...

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