Daniel Caesar's Baby Blue Is My Secret 3 AM Infant Sleep Hack
Itβs 3:17 AM, and Iβm locked in a staring contest with the glowing red ring of my smart speaker, mentally calculating the exact amount of force required to smash it into a thousand pieces. The hyper-chipper, mechanically synthesized xylophone beat...
The 3 AM Fart Wars: Real Gas Relief For Miserable Babies
It's 2:14 in the morning. I'm wearing a stretched-out nursing bra that smells faintly of sour milk and desperation, sitting cross-legged on the nursery rug, furiously pumping my three-week-old son's legs like he's trying to win the Tour de France....
The Honestly Messy Truth On How To Burp A Baby Without Tears
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on your sisterβs hideous beige microfiber sectional at 3:14 AM. You're wearing your husband Mikeβs stained college sweatpants from 2008, the ones with the hole in the left knee. There's...
How Do Babies Breathe In The Womb? My Midwife Set Me Straight
There I was, twenty weeks pregnant with my oldest, laying on a paper-covered table in a freezing room that smelled distinctly of industrial hand sanitizer and old magazines. The ultrasound tech was aggressively pushing the wand into my bladder when...
The Hey Baby Reality Check For Every Exhausted New Parent
It was 3:14 in the morning and I was standing over a crib trying to negotiate with a swaddled infant who looked like a very angry burrito. The white noise machine was turned up to a volume that probably violated...
The Happy Baby Carrier Hype Unpacked By A Very Tired Nurse
My mother-in-law warned me that wearing him would ruin his spine. My doula acted like putting him down in a bassinet would permanently damage his attachment style. The mom in my baby yoga class claimed the happy baby brand carrier...
The 3AM Panic: Why Your Baby's Dark Green Poop Is Usually Fine
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm operating entirely by the pale, depressing glow of my phone's flashlight. The four-minute-older twin has decided that sleeping through the night is a scam invented by adults, and she's communicating this via a...
What The Baby Baby Justin Bieber Era Taught Me About 3 AM
If you want to know exactly how to make sure your child never, ever goes back to sleep, let me share my foolproof method from the first month of raising twins. When you hear the inevitable 3 AM wail, you...
When your 4D ultrasound baby alien leaked on the family group chat
The ultrasound gel was freezing, and the sonographer whose name tag said Brenda was pushing the wand into my bladder with the force of a hydraulic press. We were at the 20-week anatomy scan. The monitor in the dark room...