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My Messy Journey With the Tula Carrier (And Why I Kept It)
It was a hundred and two degrees in July, right in the middle of a rural Texas Target parking lot, and my arms were bent backward like a stale pretzel. I was leaning heavily against the side of my minivan,...
The Baby Platypus Taught Me More About Parenting Than Books
When it came time to figure out how we were going to explain the birds and the bees—or just basic mammalian biology—to our kid, I got three entirely different pieces of advice within a 24-hour window. My mother-in-law told me...
What I Learned Debugging Life With Baby Pigs
I'm currently sitting on the kitchen linoleum at 3:14 AM with a laser thermometer in one hand and a syringe of milk replacer in the other. My 11-month-old daughter is finally asleep upstairs after a brutal teething episode, and I'm...
Dear Past Me: Please Put Down That Baby Percentile Calculator
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the faded living room rug with a floppy yellow sewing tape measure in one hand and your phone in the other, furiously typing slightly inaccurate measurements into a baby percentile...
Watching my kid fall off the playground cured my helicopter anxiety
The wind coming off Lake Michigan was aggressive enough to make my eyes water, but I couldn't blink. My two-year-old was fifteen feet up a rope climbing pyramid at Maggie Daley Park. His left foot was wedged between two cables....
The Myth That Ruined My Newborn Days (And The Baby Orangutan Fix)
I was wearing Tom's vintage college hoodie—the gray one with the mysterious yellow mustard stain from 2014—and it was somewhere around 3:17 AM. Maya was three weeks old and screaming like I'd personally offended her entire bloodline. I had a...
The Baby of the Year Contest Reality Check No One Gives You
My husband just walked into the kitchen and caught me hunched over my laptop like a sleep-deprived gargoyle, intensely scrolling through the baby of the year 2024 contestants pictures. I had half-drunk, room-temperature coffee dribbling down the front of my...
Why The Whole Infant Octopus Trend Almost Broke My Mama Sanity
I was standing at my kitchen island at 2:00 PM on a Tuesday, poking a slick, purple tentacle with a pair of tongs, questioning every life choice that had led me to this moment. My oldest son, Liam, was fourteen...
Decoding baby names for boys: A dad's naming algorithm
Line 74 of my Google Sheet was flashing neon green. I'd written a custom script to highlight any moniker with a standard deviation of less than 5% in popularity over the last decade, filtering out anything that spiked due to...