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A tired dad holding two crying twin girls while staring blankly into the middle distance.

Why the Term Baby Momma Needs to Die (A Tired Dad's Perspective)

I'm standing in the queue at the local Tesco, holding a basket containing only industrial-strength coffee, a multipack of wet wipes, and a bottle of Calpol, when the bloke behind me decides to strike up a conversation. He's wearing sunglasses...

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A deeply exhausted British dad standing in a baby store surrounded by premium prams and screaming twins.

Dear Past Tom: What To Know Before You Walk Into A Bambi Baby Store

You're currently sitting in the driver's seat of the Ford Focus, sweating quite profoundly through your favorite grey jumper, staring through the glass front of the bambi baby store like it's an active crime scene you've been asked to clean...

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Exhausted dad holding a baby in a dimly lit nursery room.

Singing 'Be My Baby' Lyrics At 3AM Saved My Paternal Sanity

It’s 3:14 AM on a damp Tuesday in Walthamstow, and my twin girls have decided to form a heavy metal screaming choir. Florence is handling the high-pitched falsetto, while Matilda is providing a guttural, terrifying bass that frankly shouldn't be...

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Exhausted British dad holding twins and a stack of unhelpful baby manuals

The Myth of the Book Baby and Why My Twins Refused to Read It

At twenty past three on a damp Tuesday morning in our entirely too small London flat, I found myself holding a screaming infant in one arm while desperately trying to flip the pages of a sleep-training manual with my teeth....

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90s nostalgiababy developmentearly developmentparenting humortwins
A tired dad trying to keep up with his highly energetic dancing baby

Surviving the Kitchen Disco: The Truth About Your Dancing Baby

Before the twins arrived, I received three distinct, entirely contradictory pieces of unsolicited advice regarding music and infants. The frighteningly intense instructor at our antenatal class warned us that bouncing a child incorrectly to a beat could permanently traumatize their...

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Tom's twin girls with slightly shiny but unchapped noses after applying organic balm

Why I Finally Caved to the Organic Baby Face Balm Craze

It’s Tuesday, somewhere around 3 PM, and I'm currently pinned to the nursery rug by a twenty-four-pound toddler who's thrashing her head side-to-side like a cornered badger to avoid the muslin cloth I’m wielding. Her twin sister is watching from...

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A very tired British dad holding a baby in a frog-legged Pavlik harness

The Unexpected Drama of Having a Hip Dysplasia Baby

The six-week checkup at your local NHS GP surgery is supposed to be a relatively victorious milestone. You have kept a human alive for a month and a half, you're operating on a cumulative total of eleven minutes of sleep,...

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Exhausted dad staring in pure panic at a tiny gold baby bracelet

The Brutal Truth About Baby Bracelets and Why I Totally Panicked

We were somewhere between the second slice of dry Victoria sponge and Florence’s inevitable afternoon meltdown when my wife's great-aunt produced the velvet box. We had survived the actual christening with only a moderate amount of screaming (mostly from me,...

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Exhausted dad staring at a newspaper comic while holding two crying twins

Reading a Baby Blues Comic Today Won't Save You From the Crash

It's 3:14 am. I'm standing in our freezing London kitchen, crying silently over a piece of cold toast. Not because the toast is particularly tragic, but because the kettle made a slightly aggressive hissing sound and the sheer audacity of...

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