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Debugging the Infant Wash Cycle: A Letter to My Clueless Past Self
You're currently holding a screaming, soapy five-month-old over a stainless steel kitchen sink while the water temperature wildly fluctuates between Arctic runoff and molten lava, and you're terrified. I know this because I'm you, writing from six months in the...
Why that classic seated baby walker is actually a terrible idea
Last Diwali, my mother-in-law cornered me near the samosas with a brightly colored plastic catalog she had acquired from god knows where. She flipped to a dog-eared page and pointed to a massive plastic saucer surrounded by wheels and covered...
Why Rosemary's Baby Is A Terrible Idea For Your Real Toddler
My mother-in-law told me to rub concentrated rosemary oil on my toddler's chest to cure his midnight cough. The next morning, my granola-mom neighbor swore a homemade rosemary extract paste was the only reliable way to dissolve cradle cap. Then...
Why the Newborn Kimono Shirt is a Bug Fix for Early Parenting
Before our son was born, I made the mistake of asking three different people how to dress a newborn. My mother immediately texted me a link to a 20-pack of standard crotch-snap onesies because that's just what babies wear. Our...
Toxic glue and the truth about aesthetic baby holzspielzeug
I'm standing at the stove at two in the morning, watching a forty-dollar organic maple rattle slowly disintegrate in a pot of boiling water. The water is turning a suspicious murky brown. A smell like burning nail polish remover is...
Dear past Priya: Drop the toxic gel teething ring right now
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently standing barefoot on the cold kitchen tile at three in the morning. The refrigerator compressor is humming, and your son is doing that raspy, exhausted whimpering thing that makes you feel like...
Why My Wife Wears a Nursing Necklace (And I Got Yelled At)
There was exactly one drop of blood on Sarah’s collarbone. It was Tuesday at 3:14 AM, the nursery temperature was holding steady at an best 69.2 degrees, and our then-five-month-old had decided that nursing was no longer a standard food-acquisition...
Why That Ice-Solid Teething Toy Myth Needs to Die Immediately
It's 3 AM and you're staring into the abyss of your freezer. Next to the ancient bag of edamame and the breastmilk stash you're too paranoid to throw away, there's a plastic ring shaped like a starfish. It's frozen completely...
The Truth About the Toy Blanket (And Why Your Baby Needs One)
My older cousin stared at the graying, spit-up-stained square of muslin clutched in my toddler's fist and let out a long, theatrical sigh. We were at a family dinner, and she felt the need to inform me that letting my...