Buying a high chair without losing your mind
My mother-in-law told me to just feed him on the floor like we did back home. My favorite shift-nurse at the hospital swore by strapping them into a bouncer with a bottle. And an influencer I hate-follow insisted that if...
What Nobody Tells You About Having a Pitbull and a New Baby
I was sitting on the sticky laminate floor of our kitchen at 2:14 AM, wearing maternity leggings with a suspicious yogurt stain on the left knee, absolutely sobbing into a mug of decaf instant coffee. I was seven months pregnant...
The Absurd Reality of Raising a Baby Peacock With Toddlers
I'm currently watching my two-year-old daughter attempt to post a piece of heavily chewed toast into the ventilation slat of a heated poultry brooder. Inside that plastic tub sits a bird that cost more than my first car, looking less...
The Teething Gel Confusion: What I Learned About Numbing Gums
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the harsh fluorescent light of our open bathroom medicine cabinet, holding a tiny tube of adult toothache gel I had leftover from a minor dental procedure last year....
What to Do When Your Toddler Finds a Wild Baby Mouse in the Yard
My Tuesday morning began with a half-dead rodent. I was standing in our Chicago backyard, clutching a lukewarm coffee, while my two-year-old proudly held out her hands to show me her new treasure. Our family cat was sitting a few...
The Absurd Reality of Managing Your Infant's Changing Hairline
I'm standing over the bathtub at 6:45 PM with a plastic comb in one hand and a remarkably slippery, screeching two-year-old in the other, desperately trying to yank a knot out of her wet fringe. This, for the record, is...
The Great Baby Golden Retriever Myth And How My Family Survived
There's a specific sort of betrayal you feel when you're prying a soggy, half-chewed muslin cloth out of the jaws of a twelve-week-old retriever while simultaneously trying to stop a toddler from attempting to ride said animal like a Shetland...
Surviving a baby coyote encounter with jetlagged twin toddlers
It was 4:17 in the morning in suburban California, and I was losing my mind. We had foolishly decided to drag our two-year-old twin girls on a twelve-hour flight from Heathrow to Los Angeles to visit my wife's brother, operating...
A Letter to My Past Self About Surviving Baby Car Seat Chaos
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago, You're currently jammed into the backseat of the Honda, one knee completely numb because you're using your entire adult body weight to press a massive piece of plastic into the upholstery. Your iced...