The Urgent Care Algorithm: Surviving Your Baby's First Stitches
DO NOT ask Siri to calculate the total blood volume of an 11-month-old while said infant is actively bleeding onto your only decent living room rug. That's my primary takeaway from last Tuesday. I was trying to run the math...
Watching The 1995 Baby-Sitters Club Movie As An Overthinking Dad
My mom told me the absolute best way to get a break from parenting is to just hire the 14-year-old kid who lives across the street because "she seems nice and probably knows CPR." My lead developer, a guy who...
How Innocent Baby Searches Become Complete Digital Nightmares
Listen. I was standing in my kitchen wearing sweatpants with a suspicious stain on the knee, desperately trying to mash an avocado while a small human shrieked at my ankles. You know the exact kind of screaming I'm talking about....
Why Sprunki Babies Ruined Our Sleep (And How to Spot the Trap)
It was 2:14 in the morning on a Tuesday, and I was standing in the dark hallway holding a laundry basket full of warm towels, trying to figure out why a distorted electronic screech was coming from my four-year-old's room....
Why Parents Are Panicking Over the Silksong Baby Hornet
I was elbow-deep in pureed peas when my teenage nephew casually dropped the bomb. He was staring at his phone, completely oblivious to the domestic chaos unfolding around him, and muttered something about a silksong baby hornet dropping soon. My...
How the Seiko Baby Alpinist Survived My First Year of Fatherhood
My left wrist vibrated with a Slack notification from my engineering manager right at the exact moment my son sneezed a mouthful of mashed sweet potato across my chest. It was a Tuesday, roughly 6:14 AM. I was wearing my...
Decoding the Rora Baby Monster Phase Without Losing Your Mind
I was wearing Dave's faded gray Boston College sweatpants—the ones with the questionable stain on the left knee—and my hair was in a knot so tight it was giving me a tension headache. It was 3:14 AM. I know the...
What Every Parent Needs to Know About the 'Baby Jeeter' Scare
I was on my hands and knees under my younger brother Tyler’s incredibly ugly leather sofa, fishing out a rogue handful of cheerios that had somehow become cemented in golden retriever hair, when I saw it. A brightly colored, tiny...
How To Handle It When Your Kids Find A Wild Raptor In The Yard
Tuesday morning. 7:14 AM. I'm standing in my kitchen wearing a grey fleece robe that smells vaguely of sour milk and defeat, holding my third cup of lukewarm coffee. It's the kind of morning where everything is just slightly damp...