The Great Plastic Illusion: A Dad's Guide to Baby Bottles
I was holding a six-month-old plastic bottle up to the harsh LED light of my kitchen exhaust hood at two in the morning when I realized something was terribly wrong. Next to it on the counter sat a brand new...
Dear Past Marcus: You Need a Baby Bjorn Bouncer Immediately
Past Marcus, it's me. You from six months in the future. You're currently standing in the kitchen of our Portland apartment at 3:14 AM. The baby is five weeks old. It's raining outside, obviously. You're trying to rock him while...
A Letter to My Past Self About the Physics of Baby Tableware
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting at the kitchen island, staring at a splatter of pureed sweet potato slowly seeping beneath the 'Esc' key of your favorite mechanical keyboard. You're holding a standard ceramic ramekin in...
A Letter to My Past Self About the Great Baby Bib Migration
Hey past Marcus. It's currently November, which means you're standing in the kitchen at 2 AM, holding a cloth that smells vaguely of sour milk, trying to calculate if it's physically possible for a five-month-old to output more fluid than...
Naturkautschuk Beißring: A Dad’s Guide to Teething Hardware (66 chars)
It was exactly 3:14 AM when I realized my eleven-month-old had somehow bypassed the living room baby gate and was quietly trying to soothe his terribly swollen gums on the braided power cord of my MacBook Pro. There was a...
The Kitchen Island Incident: Rethinking the Baby Floor Seat
It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday. I had a P1 server outage flashing red on my left monitor, lukewarm cold brew in my system, and a 4.5-month-old stationed on the kitchen island right next to my keyboard. I had...
The Real Truth About The Baby Whisper Co Travel Potty On Road Trips
I was standing in the blistering July heat at a Texas rest stop on I-35, holding my screaming oldest child suspended over a patch of dying grass because he absolutely refused to step foot inside the brick building behind us....
Survival Guide for the Man Who Might Be Installing a Baby Gate
My dad told me to just let the kid tumble down the bottom two steps to teach him basic physics. The guy in the orange apron at the hardware store tried to up-sell me a three-hundred-dollar industrial lock system that...
Is the mamaroo baby swing Worth It? A Tired Mom's True Story
It was exactly 3:14 AM. I was sitting on the edge of the master bathtub because the loud hum of the bathroom exhaust fan was the only thing drowning out the sound of my firstborn screaming. My Etsy shop orders...