The Great 3AM Hunt for Baby Girl Names Starting With V
The glow of the laptop screen at three in the morning is a uniquely hostile type of light, especially when it’s illuminating a spreadsheet containing seventy-four potential names for a human being you haven't even met yet. Outside our London...
The Algorithm for a Delayed Shower That Doesn't Suck
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting at the kitchen island, staring at a Google Sheet titled Party_Logistics_V3.xlsx, while our five-month-old daughter aggressively chews on a silicone spatula. Since we moved to Portland at 38 weeks pregnant,...
Why That Baby Farm Netflix Series Messed Up My Sleep Schedule
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the faux-leather glider at two in the morning. Your little beta is finally asleep against your chest, her breathing heavy and rhythmic. You're wired. You're holding your...
So You're Looking for Baby Ducks for Sale? Read This First
"Just get one at Tractor Supply, it's basically a low-maintenance puppy," my neighbor confidently declared over the fence last Tuesday while watering her petunias. "They will literally coat your house in microscopic feces and your children will get dysentery," my...
The Surprising First Responder Truth About Baby On Board Stickers
My mom handed me the classic yellow diamond at my wife's baby shower, saying it would force aggressive Portland drivers to stop tailgating our Subaru. Two days later, my father-in-law told me to throw it directly in the trash because...
The Absolute Chaos of Trying to Make My Kid Wear Baby Perfume
It’s 2:14 PM on a Tuesday in 2017, and I'm standing over my bathroom sink in maternity leggings that haven’t been washed in—actually, I really don't want to know how many days—frantically scrubbing a tiny, furious newborn with a wet...
Dear Past Me: Let's Talk About Baby Constipation And The Panic
You're sitting on the edge of the bathtub right now, staring at a dry diaper under the harsh bathroom light. The exhaust fan is rattling above you. It's three in the morning, and you're exhausted, holding a sleeping infant against...
Is Your Baby Constipated? The Great 3 AM London Nappy Standoff
It was 4:14 AM on a Tuesday when Florence began her impression of an Olympic weightlifter attempting a personal best. Her face turned a shade of crimson I previously thought was reserved for London buses, her tiny knees pulled up...
Surviving the Witching Hour: Real Talk on Baby Colic Treatments
It was 6:14 PM on a Tuesday when the switch flipped. I remember the exact time because I was staring at the microwave clock, praying for my husband's truck to pull into the driveway. My oldest was throwing goldfish crackers...