Magazine

Exhausted dad holding twin baby girls while looking at a name list

The Great 3AM Hunt for Baby Girl Names Starting With V

The glow of the laptop screen at three in the morning is a uniquely hostile type of light, especially when it’s illuminating a spreadsheet containing seventy-four potential names for a human being you haven't even met yet. Outside our London...

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Bewildered dad looking at a spreadsheet of woodland nursery themes with coffee

The Algorithm for a Delayed Shower That Doesn't Suck

Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting at the kitchen island, staring at a Google Sheet titled Party_Logistics_V3.xlsx, while our five-month-old daughter aggressively chews on a silicone spatula. Since we moved to Portland at 38 weeks pregnant,...

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mother watching tv on laptop while holding a sleeping baby in organic blanket

Why That Baby Farm Netflix Series Messed Up My Sleep Schedule

Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the edge of the faux-leather glider at two in the morning. Your little beta is finally asleep against your chest, her breathing heavy and rhythmic. You're wired. You're holding your...

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Toddler in a sustainable smock looking at a yellow duckling in a backyard grass pen.

So You're Looking for Baby Ducks for Sale? Read This First

"Just get one at Tractor Supply, it's basically a low-maintenance puppy," my neighbor confidently declared over the fence last Tuesday while watering her petunias. "They will literally coat your house in microscopic feces and your children will get dysentery," my...

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A dad scraping an old yellow diamond baby sign off a car window

The Surprising First Responder Truth About Baby On Board Stickers

My mom handed me the classic yellow diamond at my wife's baby shower, saying it would force aggressive Portland drivers to stop tailgating our Subaru. Two days later, my father-in-law told me to throw it directly in the trash because...

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A frustrated mom holding a baby and a cup of coffee next to baby perfume

The Absolute Chaos of Trying to Make My Kid Wear Baby Perfume

It’s 2:14 PM on a Tuesday in 2017, and I'm standing over my bathroom sink in maternity leggings that haven’t been washed in—actually, I really don't want to know how many days—frantically scrubbing a tiny, furious newborn with a wet...

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Priya holding a baby in a Kianao organic bodysuit looking exhausted but relieved

Dear Past Me: Let's Talk About Baby Constipation And The Panic

You're sitting on the edge of the bathtub right now, staring at a dry diaper under the harsh bathroom light. The exhaust fan is rattling above you. It's three in the morning, and you're exhausted, holding a sleeping infant against...

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Exhausted dad looking at a smartphone while holding a very grumpy, red-faced baby.

Is Your Baby Constipated? The Great 3 AM London Nappy Standoff

It was 4:14 AM on a Tuesday when Florence began her impression of an Olympic weightlifter attempting a personal best. Her face turned a shade of crimson I previously thought was reserved for London buses, her tiny knees pulled up...

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A tired mom sitting in a dimly lit nursery holding a crying infant over her shoulder

Surviving the Witching Hour: Real Talk on Baby Colic Treatments

It was 6:14 PM on a Tuesday when the switch flipped. I remember the exact time because I was staring at the microwave clock, praying for my husband's truck to pull into the driveway. My oldest was throwing goldfish crackers...

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