The 3 AM Hunt for the October 14th Beanie Baby
The screen of my laptop was basically burning my retinas, but I couldn't look away. It was 3:14 AM. I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant with Leo, sweating through a pair of maternity leggings that I had been wearing for, oh...
The Brutal Reality Behind the Romantic Let's Have a Baby Idea
I'm standing in the kitchen at 3 a.m. scraping dried spit-up off my shoulder while my husband snores from the guest bedroom. Four years ago he pulled out a ring on a beach in Mexico and whispered marry me let's...
The Unexpected Hazard of Press-On Nails During the Baby Years
I was on my hands and knees in the living room, aggressively parting the fibres of our Berber rug like a forensic investigator looking for a microscopic weapon. Chloe, my sister-in-law, hovered above me near the sofa, clutching a lukewarm...
Lactose Free Baby Formula: A Dad's Guide To Tummy Troubleshooting
Dear Marcus of exactly six months ago. You're currently standing in the kitchen at 3:14 AM, the rain is aggressively hitting the Portland windows, and your son is screaming in a frequency that I'm pretty sure is permanently damaging the...
The truth about moving your backyard chicks outdoors safely
The guy at the rural feed store with the missing thumb told me four weeks. The homesteading influencer on TikTok, who somehow wears pristine white linen in an active barn, said eight weeks minimum. My neighbor who treats her three...
The Existential Dread of Nursery Organization at 2 AM
I'm currently sitting cross-legged on the floor of my daughter's room at 2:14 AM, using a camping headlamp to sort her organic cotton socks by color gradient. The smart thermostat is locked at exactly 69.5 degrees, the humidifier is outputting...
What Does a Baby Cockroach Look Like? My 2 AM Nursery Panic
Dear Jess from six months ago, Put down the heavy shoe, stop crying into the clean laundry basket, and take a deep breath. You're sitting on the nursery floor at 2 AM with a flashlight, going down a frantic internet...
Why Chasing the Myth of the Unicorn Baby Nearly Ruined My First Year
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on the floor of the nursery in a tragically stained Nirvana t-shirt that smelled heavily of sour milk and desperation. Maya was three months old, and she was screaming....
Dear Past Jess: What You Need to Know About Sweet Baby Jesus Beer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of the den with a bottle of carpet cleaner in one hand and a rag in the other, aggressively scrubbing a dark, sticky stain out of the rug while my one-year-old screams from the...