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Why explicit industry baby lyrics are ruining my mornings now
The digital clock said 5:42 AM. The sky over Chicago was the color of wet concrete, and my coffee hadn't even finished dripping. I turned my back for three seconds to grab a mug. That was enough time for my...
I Want You To Be Mine Again Baby: Fetty Wap & Postpartum Love
Before the twins were born, I made the fatal error of asking people for advice on what to play for them audibly. My mum, firmly rooted in the pseudo-science of the late nineties, insisted that playing classical symphonies would instantly...
Why Selena Gomez Replaced Traditional Lullabies In My House
I'm standing on the specific landing floorboard I know doesn't creak, doing the desperate, rhythmic sway of a man who hasn't slept a full night since 2021. Maya is draped over my left shoulder, drooling a small, warm lake into...
Why that viral I love you baby song became my 3 AM survival tool
The digital clock on the microwave reads 3:14 AM. The radiator in our Chicago apartment is making that rhythmic hissing sound it only makes when it's negative ten degrees outside. I'm pacing the narrow hallway between the kitchen and the...
I Can Be Your Hero Baby: Why the Supermom Myth is Total Trash
I was standing at the kitchen sink yesterday, elbow-deep in cold dishwater and crusted oatmeal, when my throwback playlist shuffled to Enrique Iglesias. Right as he dramatically whispered that he can be your hero, baby, I actually snorted so loud...
The Real Truth About How To Make Baby Villagers Grow Faster
Last Tuesday at 3:14 AM, the ambient temperature in my living room was exactly 68.4 degrees, I was running on four hours of deeply fragmented sleep, and I was aggressively throwing virtual carrots at a digital infant. I was desperately...
Why Super Creek Goo Goo Babies Isn't The Parenting Trend You Think
I was elbow-deep in a basket of mismatched toddler socks yesterday, trying to figure out how a house with five people produces seventy-three single left socks, when my fourteen-year-old nephew snorted from the couch. He was supposed to be helping...
Taylor Swift Baby: Surviving Pop Culture With Twins
I was quite literally elbow-deep in silver sequins and non-toxic fabric glue at a quarter to eleven on a Tuesday night when my wife casually dropped the magazine on the kitchen island. The headline was screaming about the latest Travis...
Why The Boss Baby Movie Is A Brutally Accurate Medical Drama
It was six in the evening. The Chicago wind was doing that thing where it aggressively rattles the windowpanes just to remind you that going outside is a terrible idea. My toddler was sitting on my knee, methodically crushing a...