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What I Got Wrong About Baby Girl Gifts: Real Talk From A Mom
Right now, I'm sitting on my living room floor staring down a neon pink tutu that someone just mailed to my youngest daughter, and I'm honestly trying to figure out if it's physically possible for cheap tulle to scratch a...
The Truth About Baby Rompers And The Blowout That Broke Me
It was a Tuesday in April, raining that stupid sideways rain we get in the spring, and I was hiding in the single-stall bathroom of a Starbucks with my four-month-old daughter Maya. I was wearing a silk blouse. I don’t...
Safe Baby Dice: Why We Banned Regular D&D Sets At Home
Tuesday night, 8:43 PM. I'm wearing yoga pants permanently stained with breastmilk and a three-day-old messy bun that's defying gravity. My husband, Dave, is mid-sentence explaining how his half-elf rogue is going to pick the lock on the dungeon door,...
The Great Baby Pesto Disaster (And How To Actually Do It Right)
It was 6:42 PM on a Tuesday, and my kitchen looked like a lawnmower had exploded indoors. My wife was holding a wet washcloth, staring at me with that highly specific look she gets when I've confidently executed a task...
My Bamby Baby Store Wake-Up Call: Why I Stopped Hacking Gear
I was wedged upside down in the backseat of my Subaru Outback, rain streaking the windows, sweating through a t-shirt in forty-degree Portland weather. My phone was propped precariously on the center console, playing a grainy YouTube tutorial at 1.5x...
Why buying a baby comb for a completely bald infant makes sense
Before the twins arrived, my mother-in-law handed me a beautifully wrapped, eco-friendly grooming kit containing a wildly soft bristle brush and a tiny wooden toothed implement. I looked at the ultrasound pictures stuck to my fridge—two indistinct blurry blobs that...
Why I Stopped Laughing at Baby Cashmere (And Nineteen Tiny Goats)
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm standing over the bathroom sink with a bottle of pH-neutral baby shampoo, gently massaging a piece of knitwear the size of a side plate while Florence screams from the nursery as if she's...
Dear Past Marcus: Debugging The Extraterrestrial Baby Phase
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're staring at the night vision feed on the Nanit monitor like it's a security camera at a haunted house. His eyes are open. They're glowing an iridescent, terrifying white because of the...
The Truth About Giving Your Baby Pickles for the Very First Time
It was August 2017, and we were in my brother-in-law’s backyard for a family barbecue. I was standing there, sweating through a stained maternity tank top that I absolutely should have retired three months prior, balancing a seven-month-old Leo on...