Why I’m Terrified of the Internet and Buying Fox Blankets Instead
So my mother-in-law told me last week that I should just throw all our iPads into the nearest large body of water, my tech-bro brother-in-law said that if my seven-year-old Maya isn't coding in Python by now she’s basically going...
Searching 'There Goes My Baby Lyrics' Saved My Sanity Tonight
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing on the freezing cold tile of our nursery in a nursing bra that I'm pretty sure had sour milk on the left strap and sweatpants with a massive hole...
When Do Babies Roll: A First-Time Dad's Guide to the Midnight Flip
2:14 AM. The baby monitor is glowing like a radioactive brick on my nightstand. I'm staring at a grayscale pixel blob that's supposed to be my four-month-old daughter, except instead of lying flat on her back like a compliant little...
When is kat timpf's baby due? The late pregnancy waiting game
I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant, sitting in my kitchen with ankles the size of bruised grapefruits, aggressively googling when is kat timpf's baby due. It was a completely irrational fixation. I don't know this woman. But she had announced her...
Why do babies cry: A late-night letter to my exhausted self
It's 3:14 AM and you're standing barefoot on the cold hardwood floor of our Chicago apartment. The radiator is hissing that metallic, rhythmic sound it only makes when the temperature outside drops below zero. Your three-week-old is screaming a jagged,...
That Terrifying Silence: Why Do Babies Cry When Born Explained
The operating room was literally freezing. I'm talking meat-locker cold, which nobody warns you about when you're prepping for an emergency C-section. I was shivering so hard my teeth were clicking together, staring at this giant blue paper drape while...
That Time Sir Mix-A-Lot Baby Got Back Literally Saved My Sanity
It was exactly 3:14 AM. I know this because the glowing red numbers on the digital clock were searing themselves into my retinas while I bounced on a deflated blue yoga ball so violently my teeth were literally rattling in...
Dear past me: Surviving the great scrap baby incident of October
Dear Sarah from six months ago, It’s Tuesday, right? You’re sitting on the hot driveway asphalt wearing that oversized gray NYU hoodie with the mysterious yellow stain on the left cuff that might be mustard but is honestly probably breastmilk...
That Santa Baby Kim Kardashian Video vs Our Real Holiday Chaos
I was standing dead in the center of my mother-in-law's aggressively pine-scented living room in December 2017, wearing a pair of black maternity leggings that still had a crusty white streak of spit-up down the left thigh, clutching a mug...