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The Amber Heard Baby Daddy Mystery & My 3AM Google Rabbit Hole
It's exactly 3:14 AM. My 11-month-old son, who we'll refer to as Baby D to protect his future digital footprint, has decided that sleeping through the night is a legacy feature he no longer supports. I'm pacing the hardwood floor...
Navigating Baby Girl Showtimes: A Dad's Movie Survival Guide
My mother-in-law told me taking an infant to a movie theater would permanently short-circuit her developing brain. The guy who makes my oat milk cortado at the local coffee shop insisted that baby-friendly matinees are the only way new parents...
The Absolute Mess Of Buying Baby Gear (And What Actually Works)
It was 2017. November. A Tuesday, I think, and raining completely sideways. I was exactly thirty-two weeks pregnant with Maya, my second kid, and I was sitting completely cross-legged on the cold linoleum floor of aisle four at BuyBuyBaby (RIP...
The Absolute Panic Of Finding Cute Baby Foxes In Your Backyard
I was standing on our back patio in my husband's hideous oversized college sweatpants, holding a lukewarm mug of French roast that I had literally just microwaved for the third time, when seven-year-old Maya started screaming bloody murder. She was...
What the Baby Emmanuel Parents Taught Me About Child Safety
I was wearing Mark's ancient grey fraternity t-shirt with the mysterious bleach stain on the collar, sitting on the edge of the cold porcelain bathtub at 2:14 AM. Leo, my youngest, was going through his extremely fun "I only sleep...
The Weird Baby Oil Diddy Drama Taught Me A Vital Skincare Lesson
I was elbow-deep in the bathtub trying to scrub a week-old, half-peeled Paw Patrol temporary tattoo off my oldest son's shoulder blade when my phone buzzed with the tenth internet joke of the morning. Between packing up fifteen monogrammed burlap...
Aishiteruze Baby And The Massive Lies I Believed About Motherhood
It’s 2017 and I'm sitting on the edge of the master bathroom tub at 3:14 AM wearing a pair of my husband’s gray sweatpants that have a highly suspicious yellow stain on the left knee. I'm holding a screaming, two-week-old...
The Messy, Exhausting Truth About What It Takes To Adopt A Baby
I was sitting on the cold hexagonal bathroom tiles at 2:14 AM. The laptop was actually burning my thighs through Dave's gray Villanova sweatpants—the ones with the weird bleach stain on the knee from 2018. I had consumed three cups...
Why I Threw Away the Pink Plastic (And Found Better Baby Girl Toys)
It was 2:14 AM on December 26th, and I was sitting on the floor in a nursing bra that had completely given up the ghost sometime in 2016 and a pair of Dave's boxer briefs, furiously crying over a plastic...