A Letter to Myself Before Buying That Baby Push Walker
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're standing in aisle fourteen of the Target in River North, staring at a plastic contraption that plays the alphabet in three different languages. Your coffee is ice cold. Your baby is nine months...
Taking Your Kids On A Baby Metal Tour Without Losing Your Mind
I was standing in my kitchen at 6:15 AM, right? Wearing Dave’s faded Megadeth shirt that has a literal hole in the left armpit, staring blindly at my phone while my coffee got aggressively cold. Because I had three separate...
That time my seven-year-old demanded we get a baby leopard
It was Tuesday around 4:15 PM, raining, and I was wearing those grey sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh. Maya, who's seven and currently in her aggressively vocal animal rights phase, dropped her neon pink backpack...
Orbit Baby G5 Stroller: A Letter to My Exhausted Past Self
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently standing in the Jewel-Osco parking lot on Southport. The wind is doing that thing where it physically hurts your face. Your C-section incision feels like it's unzipping, and you're contorting your spine...
Why The Weird OPM Babi Trend Belongs Nowhere Near Your Nursery
It was eleven at night on a Tuesday when the heavy bass started shaking my wipes warmer. Maya was ten months old and cutting her top two incisors simultaneously. I hadn't slept a full sleep cycle since Sunday. My younger...
Nuclear Bomb vs Coughing Baby: A Late Night Letter to Myself
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold, cheap linoleum of the master bathroom with the shower running on full-blast hot, peeling the beige wallpaper right off the drywall while you rock a sweaty, angry six-month-old...
The Medical Truth About Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers And Safety
I was shivering on Southport Avenue, pushing a ridiculously expensive piece of aesthetic plastic over a frozen Chicago pothole. The front wheels locked up on a chunk of dirty street ice. The stroller abruptly stopped, and my four-month-old's head violently...
The 3am SIDS Baby Panic and Why Nobody Actually Sleeps Anymore
I'm standing over the cot at 3:14 AM. I'm holding my wife's £30 MAC compact mirror. I'm sliding it slowly under the tiny nostrils of Twin A, holding my own breath while I wait for the minuscule fog of condensation...
Commuter Train Chaos With An Infant And Other Truths
I'm standing on the train platform at 8:12 AM on a Tuesday, wearing a trench coat that has a crusty streak of spit-up on the left lapel, and I'm clutching a lukewarm coffee like it's a flotation device in open...