Surviving a Baby Praying Mantis Hatch With an 11-Month-Old Kid
It was 6:15 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at a plastic mesh butterfly pavilion on my kitchen counter like I was waiting for a server to reboot. I held a plastic spray bottle in one hand, completely...
Baby You Got Something In Your Nose: A Toddler Survival Guide
I was standing at the kitchen sink yesterday, frantically trying to scrub crusted oatmeal off a plastic dinosaur plate while three loads of laundry soured in the washing machine. I had the radio playing, and I was actually singing the...
Unboxing baby dolls that look real: A first-time dad's survival guide
The box cutter sliced through the packing tape at exactly 7:42 PM on a Tuesday. I peeled back the layers of tissue paper, fully expecting a wooden puzzle or maybe some harmless stacking blocks from my wife's aunt. Instead, I...
What a Teen Pop Anthem Taught Me About Raising Kids
"Alexa, volume ten!" Those were the words that completely shattered my peaceful Tuesday morning while I was wrist-deep in sorting out a laundry basket full of crusty toddler socks. My oldest boy, Hunter, who's currently serving as my daily cautionary...
Why Most "Educational" Toys Are Just Overpriced Plastic
I'm currently staring down a plastic monstrosity that speaks three languages, flashes like a discount Vegas casino, and cost my mother-in-law forty-five dollars. It has a giant sticker on the box screaming that it'll teach my baby geometry, and let...
Raising Kids With True Grit: A Normal Mom’s Take on Nepotism Babies
Three years ago, I marched right into the office of our local Methodist preschool, smiled at the director, and shamelessly dropped my grandmother’s name to bump my oldest kid to the top of their two-year-long waitlist. I didn't even blink....
Lil Baby Harvard: Raising a tiny genius without losing your mind
Within forty-eight hours of bringing the twins home, I received three distinct pieces of unsolicited advice regarding their future intellectual dominance. My mother-in-law arrived with a set of high-contrast Mandarin flashcards (I speak passable French; my wife speaks sarcasm). Our...
The Truth About the Digital Dinosaur Taking Over My Living Room
It's 6:15 AM on a Tuesday. I'm standing in the kitchen wearing Dave's old college sweatpants—the grey ones with a literal hole in the left knee—and holding my third cup of coffee, which is already lukewarm. Leo, my four-year-old, is...
The Cocomelon baby shark meltdown and how we survived
It was a Tuesday at 5:15 PM, which in a Chicago November means it had been pitch black outside for an hour. I was standing in my kitchen, staring at an unpeeled onion, trying to figure out how to cook...