Decoding cry baby lyrics while holding an actual screaming infant
My mother-in-law told me to just put him in the crib and shut the door because crying builds lung capacity, which is anatomically hilarious and factually incorrect. My lactation consultant said I should offer the breast the second his lower...
Navigating the Newborn Crying Phase Without Losing Your Damn Mind
My mother-in-law cornered me in my own kitchen while I was trying to microwave a mug of coffee that had already been reheated three times. I was wearing yogurt-stained maternity leggings that were legally too old to still be called...
My Pediatric Triage Guide To Cheer Up Baby Without Going Crazy
My mother swore rubbing warm ghee on his feet would stop the screaming. The lactation consultant told me he was definitely cluster feeding and I just needed to nurse him for the fourteenth time that hour. Then my neighbor caught...
The 'Is Your Baby Crying Meme' Explained: A Letter To Past Me
3:14 AM. The Apple Watch on my wrist is vibrating, aggressively warning me that the ambient noise level has reached 95 decibels—roughly the equivalent of standing next to a gas-powered lawnmower. The noise source is exactly fourteen inches from my...
When baby tears sims 4 complaints broke me during a 3am twin meltdown
It was 3:14 in the morning, and I was illuminated entirely by the sickly blue glow of my phone screen while Twin A writhed against my shoulder like a damp, furious sack of potatoes. Twin B was mercifully unconscious in...
The Truth About Newborn Crying and Why You Don't See Tears Yet
It was 2:14 AM, and my oldest son Jackson—who is my personal cautionary tale for literally every parenting mistake a human can make—was doing this high-pitched pterodactyl shriek that vibrated directly in my molars. I was shining my iPhone flashlight...
Why I Watch Cry-Baby 1990 When My Actual Baby Just Won't Stop
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the floor of the nursery in your sweatpants, staring at a patch of dried spit-up on the rug while Arjun screams like he's being prepped for an unanesthetized appendectomy. The...
Why do babies cry: A late-night letter to my exhausted self
It's 3:14 AM and you're standing barefoot on the cold hardwood floor of our Chicago apartment. The radiator is hissing that metallic, rhythmic sound it only makes when the temperature outside drops below zero. Your three-week-old is screaming a jagged,...
That Terrifying Silence: Why Do Babies Cry When Born Explained
The operating room was literally freezing. I'm talking meat-locker cold, which nobody warns you about when you're prepping for an emergency C-section. I was shivering so hard my teeth were clicking together, staring at this giant blue paper drape while...