The Honest Truth About Giving Sugar Candy To Babies Before Two
Listen. My mother-in-law had a literal sugar babies candy poised right over my six-month-old's mouth at a family Diwali party last year. I intercepted that little caramel nugget like an off-duty linebacker. She looked at me like I'd just slapped...
Debugging Stage 1 Baby Food: A Dad's First Bites Protocol
It's 6:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm currently staring at a splatter of bright orange sweet potato puree on my kitchen ceiling. I'm trying to reverse-engineer the physics of how a human being weighing exactly 16.4 pounds managed to...
The reality of raising millennial Shrek babies in a modern world
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last week to tell me that if I let my toddler watch animated ogres, he'll develop aggressive tendencies and start throwing onions at the dog. Ten minutes later, my millennial best friend texted...
Why a baby cast and an indie film is a terrible Friday night
It's 8:14 PM on a Friday, and my left hand is currently bonded to a Tupperware container of rapidly hardening purple alginate, while Rachel Sennott has a full-blown panic attack on my television screen. My wife is desperately trying to...
Run Baby Run: The Messy Reality of Jogging With Your Kid
I'm wrestling a standard, rigid four-wheeled city stroller over a massive, gnarly tree root on a Tuesday morning at 7 AM. I'm wearing my black Lululemon leggings—the ones with the weird yogurt stain on the left thigh that I haven't...
When Do Babies See Color? (And Why My Newborn Hated Pastels)
I was standing in the middle of the nursery at two in the morning, wearing nursing pads that were definitely leaking, holding my three-week-old daughter Maya. I had just spent an embarrassing amount of money on this gorgeous, handcrafted, organic...
When Do Babies Start Eating Baby Food? A Twin Dad's Messy Guide
Dear Tom of eighteen months ago, You're currently standing in the kitchen at 3am, staring at a very expensive, totally unused baby food maker, frantically typing misspelled queries like "when do I feed my babi" into your phone with one...
When Do Babies Start To Crawl? A Letter To My Clueless Past Self
Hey Marcus from six months ago. I know you're currently enjoying the stationary phase where you can set the kid down on the rug, go make an espresso, and return to find him occupying the exact same coordinate space. Enjoy...
When Do Babies Teeth? An Honest Timeline For Exhausted Parents
I was standing in the checkout line at Trader Joe's in 2019, balancing a frozen pizza on my hip because I didn't grab a cart, when the contradictory advice started. Maya was about five months old, wearing a mustard yellow...