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The Truth About Baby Feet: Why Everyone's Advice Is Dead Wrong
I swear, the minute I brought my oldest, Jackson, home from the hospital, it was open season on his toes. My mom took one look at his bare little feet on a perfectly pleasant 75-degree Texas afternoon and shrieked that...
The Brutal Reality of Mixing Tiny Puppies and Newborn Twins
I'm standing in our narrow London hallway, holding a slightly stiff hospital blanket that smells intensely of NHS-grade floor cleaner and sheer panic. Page 47 of a highly-rated parenting manual told me I should present this artifact to our terrier...
What a Wild Baby Chimp Taught Me About Raising Twin Toddlers
I'm currently lying flat on the rug in our London living room, staring at a patch of ceiling that desperately needs painting, while someone repeatedly hits my left shin with a plastic spatula. Twin A (Isla) is shrieking because her...
Why a 1980s baby boom cast makes more sense than modern apps
My mum casually mentioned last Tuesday that if I didn't start putting a pulverized rusk into the twins' nighttime milk, they would never sleep past 4 am and I'd be looking at stunted growth by their third birthday. The bloke...
The Honest Truth About Taking A Baby To Baby Beach Aruba
I was standing in the middle of the Target diaper aisle wearing these awful linen maternity shorts that I somehow still fit into three years postpartum, holding a lukewarm iced coffee that cost twelve dollars, when my phone buzzed with...
The Messy, Honest Truth About Getting a Baby Axolotl
It was 7:00 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my kitchen trying to pour coffee while my four-year-old oldest son shoved a piece of construction paper directly into my line of sight. On it was a crude...
Raising An Asian Baby In Rural Texas Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I was standing in my kitchen staring at my oldestβwho's now five and a walking, talking cautionary tale about what happens when you give a toddler unchecked access to YouTubeβwhen he was just a screaming newborn. My own mother was...
Debugging The Wardrobe: The Envelope Fold Revelation
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday when the system crashed. The baby monitor on my nightstand emitted a sound that was less of a cry and more of a wet, ominous sputtering noise. I stumbled into the nursery, bleary-eyed...
The Absurdity of Adult Soap and Safe Toys for Your Toddler
I'm standing in our minuscule London bathroom at two in the morning, holding a writhing, screaming toddler at arm's length because she's somehow managed to achieve a nappy blowout that defies the basic laws of physics. It's quite literally everywhere....