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Exhausted dad looking at a fluffy puppy stealing a dummy on the living room floor

The Great Baby Golden Retriever Myth And How My Family Survived

There's a specific sort of betrayal you feel when you're prying a soggy, half-chewed muslin cloth out of the jaws of a twelve-week-old retriever while simultaneously trying to stop a toddler from attempting to ride said animal like a Shetland...

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A sleep-deprived dad holding a teething panda toy while staring blankly

Tommy Richman, 3AM Teething, and the Death of My Dignity

It was 3:14 on a Tuesday morning, a time that doesn't actually exist outside of the newborn bubble or the queue for a dreadful kebab in your early twenties. I was standing in the kitchen in a pair of stained...

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A mother looking stressed while her child points at a terrarium

What I Wish I Knew Before Bringing Home a Tiny Spiky Lizard

Jackson’s face was pressed so hard against the glass of the terrarium I thought his nose might permanently flatten into a little pancake. We were just supposed to be at the pet store buying dog food, but my five-year-old had...

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A brightly coloured plastic infant mixing deck in the middle of a messy London living room.

Why I Finally Caved and Bought a Baby DJ Table for the Twins

It's 5:42 AM. Rain is hammering against the single-glazed window of our London flat, and Maya has just discovered the 'drop' button. Chloe, entirely unfazed by the sudden burst of electronic reggaeton, is rhythmically gumming the edge of the plastic...

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Toddler hands grabbing a wooden baby jesus in a manger

Keeping the Baby Jesus Out of Your Toddler's Mouth

I was in the kitchen aggressively scraping burnt porridge out of a pan when the silence hit. Any parent of two-year-old twins knows that silence is never golden; it's highly suspicious and usually expensive. I dropped the pan, sprinted into...

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A tired dad holding a teething toddler with red cheeks

Why Baby Face Nelson Has Nothing on My Toddler

It's 4:17 in the morning, and the glowing screen of my phone is illuminating half of my face while the other half is being rhythmically kicked by a two-year-old foot. I'm frantically trying to Google why one of my twin...

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Exhausted dad holding twin babies surrounded by baby gear and empty coffee cups

The Absurdity of Sitcom Fathers and the Sticky Reality of Baby D Drops

There I was at 3:14 in the morning, wedged into the corner of the sofa with a rapidly cooling bottle of formula tucked under my chin, desperately trying to keep Twin A from kicking her sister in the head. The...

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A British dad looking exhausted outside an Albee Baby store in New York City.

Surviving New York With Twins: An Albee Baby Survival Guide

Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently standing outside a Pret A Manger in Heathrow Terminal 5, confidently holding two passports covered in a sticky, mysterious residue. Florence is attempting to dismantle a display of stale croissants with the...

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Twin toddlers making a massive mess with orange baby food in the kitchen

Surviving the Baby Spice Era: Turmeric Stains and 90s Pop

There's a very specific, aggressive shade of yellow that a pulverized carrot takes on when you enthusiastically fold half a teaspoon of turmeric into it, and I can tell you exactly what it looks like because it's currently permanently bonded...

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