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The Messy Truth About Giving Your Twins a Toddler Blanket
My mother told me that if the girls weren't under a thick wool quilt by November, I was essentially committing child neglect. My aggressively modern NCT friend, on the other hand, strongly implied over flat whites that introducing any loose...
Why the Toddler Sleep Sack is the Only Way We Survive Bedtime
It was 2:13 AM on a random Tuesday when I heard the unmistakable, bone-chilling thump coming from the nursery down the hall. I dropped the Etsy shop packing tape I was holding, sprinted down the hardwood floor expecting the absolute...
Why I Exclusively Buy Boys Cargo Pants for My Feral Twin Girls
My mother cheerfully informed me that little girls should be dressed exclusively in floral smocked dresses, which is a lovely sentiment if your children sit perfectly still on a velvet cushion playing the harp. My extremely intense NCT group leader...
The Absolute Biggest Myth About Finding a Good Baby Clothing Store
The greatest lie ever sold to expectant parents isn't that you'll eventually sleep again (though that's a massive, highly documented falsehood). It's the entire concept of the baby clothing store. Before the twins arrived, I had this hallucination of wandering...
Why the clothing industry is completely wrong about little boys
There's this incredibly persistent, borderline dangerous myth floating around the local playgroups that dressing male children is somehow the easy way out. The working theory goes that while parents of girls are trapped in a complex matrix of tights that...
The Great Trouser Battle: A Letter To Myself About Dressing Boys
Dear Jess of six months ago: You're currently sweating entirely through your good linen blouse, pinning a flailing four-year-old to the living room rug while desperately trying to yank a pair of stiff, miniature raw-denim jeans over his incredibly solid...
Letter to My Past Self: The Cold Truth About Toddler Wooden Blocks
It's 2:14 in the morning. I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub rubbing the arch of my left foot where a neon plastic interlocking brick just tried to amputate my heel. I'm writing this to you, Priya from six...
Elektrische ZahnbΓΌrste Kinder: Unser absurdes Dental-Debugging
Letzten Sonntag beim Barbecue hier in Portland stand ich mit einem Kleinkind auf dem Arm, das gerade hingebungsvoll auf einer Fernbedienung herumkaute, und bekam von drei verschiedenen Leuten drei komplett gegensΓ€tzliche Updates fΓΌr meine vΓ€terliche Firmware aufgedrΓ€ngt. Meine Mutter meinte,...
The truth about girls clothing from a tired pediatric nurse
My mother told me I needed to dress my daughter in pure silk to protect her aura from negative energy. The veteran charge nurse on my pediatric floor said to put her in whatever was cheapest at the discount store...