The truth about baby aspirin for dogs: a total system failure
Dear Marcus of six months ago. You're currently standing barefoot on the cold hexagon tiles of the upstairs bathroom, and the clock on your phone says it's 2:14 AM. Your golden retriever, Barnaby, is whining rhythmically and favoring his front...
The Brutal Truth About Baby Guinea Pigs Nobody Tells Parents
The teenager behind the counter at the pet store was casually explaining to a mother that if she touched her new baby guinea pig, the mother pig would smell human on the baby and eat it. I had to physically...
Surprise, You Now Have a Dozen Hamsters (Surviving the Litter)
"Momma, Princess Fluffbutt split into tiny pink jellybeans!" That was how my four-year-old announced we were suddenly harboring fugitives on a Tuesday morning while I was elbow-deep in packing tape for my Etsy shop and trying to keep the baby...
Surviving a Baby Ostrich Encounter With Your Sanity Intact
Before we packed up the minivan to visit the drive-through wildlife ranch out by the highway last weekend, I managed to get three entirely contradictory pieces of advice about the ostriches. My mom, bless her heart, told me on the...
Dear Past Me: What to Know Before Getting a Pug Puppy
Dear Jess from last October. Youβre currently standing in the driveway holding a cardboard box that contains what looks like a hyperactive, three-pound baked potato with giant eyeballs, and you're entirely too confident about this life choice. I know exactly...
Surviving the Baby Bull Phase: Blenders, Bulldogs, and Purees
I was standing in my kitchen wearing yesterday's yoga pants, staring at a splatter of neon orange sweet potato on my ceiling while our rescue pit mix tried to lick the matching orange stain off my six-month-old's foot. The myth...
The Baby Rottweiler Protocol: Debugging Life With a 100-Pound Dog
The system totally crashed on a Tuesday at 4:13 PM. It was pouring rain here in Portland, which meant our 115-pound dog, Buster, had completely refused to step outside to use the bathroom and was currently running on 100 percent...
Why Your Dog Freaks Out When the Kid Screams (A Father's Log)
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the hallway floor at 3:14 AM. You have the tracking app open on your phone, verifying that the nursery is exactly 69.5 degrees with 44 percent humidity, and you...
How to Bring a Baby Home to Your Dog Without Losing Your Mind
I was sitting on my faux-Navajo living room rug, covered in sour milk spit-up, physically restraining my 70-pound mutt Buster by his collar while my newborn screamed in the bassinet, trying to mentally sort through the absolute circus of advice...