Sparkle Megan Baby Daddy Drama: A Tired Dad's Honest Take
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my eleven-month-old son, Leo, was currently undergoing some sort of mysterious firmware update that apparently required him to aggressively slap my collarbone while wide awake in the dark. My wife, Sarah, was...
Finding A Sugar Dating Platform On My Niece's Phone Broke My Brain
There I was, elbow-deep in a laundry basket of spit-up stained onesies on my back porch, trying to untangle a rogue sock from my toddler's overalls while swatting away Texas mosquitoes. My nineteen-year-old niece was visiting from college and had...
Why surviving twin toddlers requires literal tactical baby gear
There's a rather pervasive myth floating around the parenting forums right now. They'll enthusiastically tell you that fathers only buy militarised rucksacks because they're tragically insecure about their own masculinity. People assume we're terrified of holding a floral tote bag,...
Living With The Boss Baby: Sleep, Siblings, And Your Sanity
There's a massive, glittering lie floating around pregnancy message boards that newborns sleep eighteen hours a day, and I just need to laugh hysterically at that for a second. Picture me at 3:17 AM last Tuesday, standing on the cold...
Nostalgia and Reality: Hiring Your First Sitter
I'm standing in my kitchen, wearing a nursing bra stained with something yellow, staring at a sixteen-year-old named Chloe who just asked me if babies can eat grapes whole. This was my first attempt at hiring a baby sitter. I...
How to Say Baby in Spanish When You Are an Exhausted British Dad
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago. You're currently standing barefoot in the kitchen at a quarter to four in the morning, holding a cold piece of toast and aggressively typing into a language app while both girls scream in...
How to Buy a Baby High Chair Without Losing Your Entire Mind
I was standing in the kitchen at a quarter to ten on a Tuesday, armed with a discarded electric toothbrush and a spray bottle of white vinegar, trying to excavate petrified Weetabix from the neon-green piping of a padded seat...
The truth about surviving the baby groot merchandise invasion
I was elbow-deep under the sofa cushions on a Tuesday morning, executing a routine sweep for rogue Cheerios and whatever sticky substance had claimed the TV remote, when my fingers brushed against something hard, plastic, and distinctly anatomical. I pulled...
The Backyard Fawn: A Guide To Not Kidnapping Wildlife
Listen, the first time you find a tiny, spotted woodland creature curled up next to your hostas, your brain short-circuits. You immediately assume the worst. You look at this fragile thing breathing shallowly in your mulch, and your mind goes...