The Brutal Truth About Baby Products From A Tired Nurse
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. I was sitting on my Chicago apartment floor surrounded by thirty-two cardboard boxes of varying sizes, smelling vaguely of spit-up and fenugreek. My son was three weeks old and screaming in that specific...
Why My Phone is Full of Blurry Baby Pictures (And What to Do)
My iCloud storage officially threw a fatal error at 2:14 AM on a Tuesday. I was standing in the pitch black of the nursery, balancing my eleven-month-old sonβs disproportionately heavy head against my collarbone, while frantically trying to delete cached...
Capturing the Perfect Baby Picture Without Losing Your Mind
There's a highly specific, sweat-drenched panic that occurs on day nine of a newbornβs life. You're holding your iPhone 12 at a precarious angle over a pile of blankets, your central heating is cranked to thirty degrees, and you're desperately...
Dear Anxious Me: The Absolute Truth About Buying A Crib Mattress
Dear Sarah from six months ago. You're currently sitting cross-legged on the floor of your sister's guest room, which she just painted a highly questionable shade of mustard yellow. You have half a cold, oat milk latte balanced precariously on...
A Letter to Myself on Debugging a Baby Boy's Winter Wardrobe
You're currently standing in the nursery at 2:14 AM, holding a laser thermometer and pointing it at the baseboards because the room is reading 69.8 degrees instead of your meticulously programmed 71.2 degrees. Your five-month-old son is asleep, but you're...
Figuring out exactly how old is lil baby and surviving year one
It's 3:17 AM in Chicago. The radiator is hissing. I'm sitting in a glider that smells faintly of sour milk, staring at my phone. I'm so violently sleep-deprived that I've somehow fallen down a Wikipedia rabbit hole trying to figure...
When Internet Video Game Bugs Cause Panic and Real Wasps Attack
I was standing in the middle of the hallway yesterday, hip-deep in a laundry basket full of unmatched tiny socks, staring down at my four-year-oldβs sticky, peanut-butter-smudged iPad screen. He had left his browser open, and the search history said...
Surviving the polyester nightmare of baby halloween costumes
It was 5:42 PM on a Tuesday in late October, and I was standing in the drizzling rain behind a Vauxhall Astra, trying to forcefully snap the gusset of a synthetic velvet pumpkin over my screaming two-year-oldβs nappy. Her twin...
The Megan Walerius Baby Drama and What I Wish I Knew Months Ago
Hey man. Youβre currently sitting on the bathroom tiles at 3:14 AM, scrolling Twitter while the shower steam theoretically clears up your five-month-old's congestion. I know this because I'm you, six months in the future. The kid is eleven months...