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Exhausted dad staring at a newspaper comic while holding two crying twins

Reading a Baby Blues Comic Today Won't Save You From the Crash

It's 3:14 am. I'm standing in our freezing London kitchen, crying silently over a piece of cold toast. Not because the toast is particularly tragic, but because the kettle made a slightly aggressive hissing sound and the sheer audacity of...

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A tired dad holding a silicone cow teether in a London flat

How I Survived the Great Highland Cow Baby Obsession of 2024

I'm currently sitting in the corner of a semi-detached flat in Zone 3 London, making intense eye contact with a six-foot plush Scottish bovine. It has more hair than I do, takes up roughly the same square footage as a...

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6-month-oldhumourorganicparenthoodsafety tipsteething
Dad covered in purple alginate powder holding a squirming twin

Why a baby cast and an indie film is a terrible Friday night

It's 8:14 PM on a Friday, and my left hand is currently bonded to a Tupperware container of rapidly hardening purple alginate, while Rachel Sennott has a full-blown panic attack on my television screen. My wife is desperately trying to...

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6-month-oldBaby-Led WeaningfeedinghumourSolid Food & Finger Foodtwins
Twin girls covered in sweet potato puree sitting in highchairs at the kitchen table

When Do Babies Start Eating Baby Food? A Twin Dad's Messy Guide

Dear Tom of eighteen months ago, You're currently standing in the kitchen at 3am, staring at a very expensive, totally unused baby food maker, frantically typing misspelled queries like "when do I feed my babi" into your phone with one...

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6-month-oldbaby developmenthumourParenting GuideUK
A bewildered dad checking his crawling baby's knees on a hard kitchen floor to see if babies actually have kneecaps.

Do Babies Have Kneecaps? Surviving the Kitchen Tile Crawling Era

The sound of a two-foot-tall human slamming knee-first into Victorian ceramic tile is a noise that bypasses the eardrum and registers directly in the parent's soul. It's a wet, hollow thud that makes you instantly calculate the distance to the...

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A dad holding a baby shower card looking deeply confused in a nursery

How to Write a Baby Shower Card Without Sounding Delusional

I'm standing in the card aisle of the local Tesco, holding a pastel-yellow envelope and aggressively crossing out a pre-printed poem about 'tiny toes and heavenly woes' with a biro. The cashier is staring at me. I don't care. I'm...

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Exhausted dad looking at baby memes on his phone in the dark

A Letter To Past Me About Baby Memes And Surviving Twin Girls

You're currently sitting on the closed lid of the downstairs loo at exactly 3:14 AM. The tiles are freezing against your bare feet, and you're hiding. I know this because I'm you, writing from six months in the future. Upstairs,...

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fourth trimesterhumourlate nightmaternal mental healthparenting tipssurvival
Two tiny baby guinness shots sitting on a kitchen counter next to a baby monitor

The Honest Parent Guide to the Baby Guinness Shot

It was nine at night on a Tuesday and my toddler was treating our living room like a hostile takeover. Rohan had three molars breaking through his gums simultaneously and I was doing the classic parent sway in the kitchen,...

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baby goatseco-friendlyhumouroutdoorParenting GuideUK
Two baby goats standing on a wooden bench looking confused

The Pastoral Fantasy Delusion: Surviving Baby Goats

It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was covered in a thin but distinct layer of regurgitated infant milk, and I was knee-deep in a Rightmove spiral looking at semi-derelict farmhouses in Somerset. The twins had been tag-teaming a...

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