Magazine

A dad looking bewildered while holding a printed baby shower word search game on a clipboard.

Why I Completely Misjudged The Baby Shower Word Search As A Dad

I was sitting in a folding chair in our Portland backyard, balancing a paper plate of half-eaten potato salad on my knee, staring at a grid of 144 random letters on a piece of recycled cardstock. Across the yard, Sarah's...

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Exhausted dad staring at an iPad screen while his 11-month-old baby chews on a silicone panda teether on the rug

The Great "Baby Tana Porn" Autocomplete Disaster Of 2024

At exactly 7:14 PM last Tuesday, my wife stopped breathing. It wasn't a medical emergency, but rather a sharp, terrifying inhalation of pure, unfiltered judgment. We were sitting on the couch in our Portland living room, the rain aggressively attacking...

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Exhausted dad staring at a glowing baby monitor in a dark nursery

Dear Past Marcus: Debugging The Extraterrestrial Baby Phase

It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and you're staring at the night vision feed on the Nanit monitor like it's a security camera at a haunted house. His eyes are open. They're glowing an iridescent, terrifying white because of the...

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A baby making a hilarious sour face after tasting a pickle spear for the first time in a highchair.

The Truth About Giving Your Baby Pickles for the Very First Time

It was August 2017, and we were in my brother-in-law’s backyard for a family barbecue. I was standing there, sweating through a stained maternity tank top that I absolutely should have retired three months prior, balancing a seven-month-old Leo on...

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A dad playing an acoustic guitar while sitting next to a wooden baby play gym

Learning Baby I Love Your Way Chords Fixed Our Broken Bedtime

At 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, my daughter's sleep architecture completely collapsed. We were eleven months into this parenting experiment, and Maya was standing in her crib, shaking the rails like a tiny inmate demanding to speak to the warden....

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Marcus holding thin slices of baby swiss cheese next to a high chair

Dear Past Marcus: Please Stop Panicking About Baby Swiss Cheese

You're standing in the glowing light of the open fridge. It's 2:13 AM on a Tuesday. You have a block of sharp cheddar in your left hand and your phone in your right, aggressively cross-referencing milligrams of sodium on a...

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Exhausted dad staring at a massive wicker peacock chair in a narrow hallway

Why navigating baby shower chair rentals nearly broke my spirit

It was pouring with rain, naturally, because this is London, and I was wedged firmly between our Victorian front doorframe and a fifty-seven-inch-tall wicker peacock chair. My wife, Sarah, who was approximately eight hundred months pregnant with the twins at...

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Dad holding baby while researching true crime on laptop

Did Ed Gein Kill The Baby Sitter? A Dad's Late-Night Search

11:43 PM. The glow of the television is casting a sickly blue light across our living room, illuminating an abandoned silicone teething ring and a half-drank bottle of formula. Sarah is asleep on the couch, her head resting at an...

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A dad holding a vintage plush dragon while looking stressed in a nursery

The Absurd Reality of Hunting for a December 9 Beanie Baby

My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Tuesday, holding a 1998 plush dragon by its tail like it was a dead rat. She informed me, with the solemnity of a war general, that placing any soft toy within a...

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