Magazine

A tired dad staring at a massive pile of useless newborn infant gear in a nursery

A Letter to My Clueless Past Self About Hoarding Baby Gear

You're currently standing in aisle four of John Lewis, holding a Β£40 electronic device designed exclusively to warm wet wipes, quietly convincing yourself that if the twins experience a cold wipe on their bottoms, it'll somehow ruin their developmental trajectory...

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Stressed dad looking at a laptop while holding a squirmy baby

Why I Stopped Debugging My Baby's Percentile Data

The crinkly paper on the exam table was already shredded by the time Dr. Evans walked in with her tablet. Baby G, completely naked except for a very heavy diaper, was violently executing a series of bicycle kicks against my...

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A tired father wearing his baby in a carrier while working on a laptop at a kitchen island.

Debugging Fatherhood: What Silverbacks Taught Me About Babies

I was standing in our Portland kitchen at 3 AM, wearing a stained t-shirt and intensely color-coding my son's diaper output in a spreadsheet, when I realized my troubleshooting manual for fatherhood was completely corrupted. The lactation consultant at the...

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A sleep-deprived dad staring blankly at a hardware-mounted stair barrier while twin toddlers plot to dismantle it

The Complete Disaster of Buying a Baby Gate for Stairs

I'm halfway down the staircase, suspended entirely in mid-air at 2:14 in the morning, clutching a sticky bottle of strawberry Calpol in one hand and a shrieking twenty-pound toddler in the other. My left foot has just hooked firmly under...

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A father looking at his glowing smartphone in a dark nursery while holding a sleeping infant.

What a Baby Flamingo Taught Me About the 50/50 Parenting Split

The digital meat thermometer flashed 98.6 degrees, which meant the bottle of pumped breastmilk I was holding was exactly best for human consumption. It was 3:17 AM on a Tuesday, the Portland rain was actively trying to dissolve our bedroom...

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A dad looking confused at a pregnancy tracking app on his phone

The truth about baby bump timelines and why apps lie to you

I was standing in our kitchen holding a retractable Stanley tape measure against my wife's stomach, trying to log exactly how many centimeters her abdomen had grown since the previous Tuesday. She looked down at me like I was trying...

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Exhausted father staring at a baby name book while holding a cup of lukewarm tea.

The Absurd Quest for Baby Boy Names Unique Enough Not to Be Steve

My mother-in-law cornered me by the kettle at week twelve of the pregnancy to insist that strong, traditional English names like Arthur or George were the only guaranteed way to prevent a child from a life of petty criminality, while...

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A dad holding his baby looking confused at an iPad playing an 80s movie.

Why the Three Men and a Baby Cast Lied to Us About Fatherhood

It was 3:14 AM, my 11-month-old son was attached to a bottle, and the glowing screen of my iPad was illuminating my deeply exhausted face. I was watching an 80s comedy classic to stay awake, watching Tom Selleck hold a...

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Exhausted dad sitting in the dark holding a crying baby while looking at a smartphone

System Meltdown: A Clueless Dad's Guide to Surviving Colic in Babies

I was bouncing on a half-inflated yoga ball at 140 beats per minute, frantically whispering "shhh" while my five-week-old son screamed so aggressively his face looked like a boiled lobster. My Apple Watch buzzed to congratulate me on my intense...

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