Is It Floppy Baby Syndrome? Why Your Infant Feels Like A Ragdoll
My smartwatch buzzed with an abnormal heart rate alert right as my son's shoulders completely collapsed through my hands. It was week fourteen, roughly 2:15 AM, and I was just trying to execute a standard crib transfer. I had him...
The Day I Realized My Baby's Nursery Was Basically a Loud Nightclub
I was sitting on the itchy wool rug in our old apartment, wearing my husbandβs college sweatshirt that had a very distinct, crusted-over spit-up stain right on the collarbone. It was raining outside. I was clutching a mug of French...
Why we sing hello my baby hello my honey at 3 AM to survive
Listen. Don't do what I did last Tuesday night. Don't stand in the dark swaying your screaming infant, realize you only know the chorus to the cartoon frog song, and try to pull up the hello my baby hello my...
The bizarre math of exactly how many bones do babies have
I was trying to fold my daughter into a pram suit that was arguably designed for a slightly smaller, more cooperative species of mammal, when I noticed her leg was bending at an angle that would have required me to...
The Giant Swamp Rodent Trend Ruining My Perfectly Good Tuesday
We were in aisle seven of the Lincoln Park Target when a meltdown of epic proportions began. Not over a toy, and not over a snack. My son wanted the giant, terminally chill rodent he had seen on my phone...
The 2 AM Malware Alert That Changed How I Look at Baby Toys
It's exactly 2:14 AM. My 11-month-old daughter is running a mild teething temperature of 99.4 degrees, and I'm currently locked out of my own home Wi-Fi because our firewall triggered a hard quarantine. Iβm sitting on the living room floor...
The 'Is Your Baby Crying Meme' Explained: A Letter To Past Me
3:14 AM. The Apple Watch on my wrist is vibrating, aggressively warning me that the ambient noise level has reached 95 decibelsβroughly the equivalent of standing next to a gas-powered lawnmower. The noise source is exactly fourteen inches from my...
My Massive Mistake With the Lil Baby Freestyle Playlist Search
The Sonos speaker in our living room was blinking white, which meant it was finally connected to my phone and ready to receive data. My 11-month-old son was sitting on the rug, staring blankly at the wall, waiting for some...
Why the Baki Baby Meme is Bizarre and What Real Strength Looks Like
I was sitting on the floor of my home office last Tuesday, trying to fulfill three Etsy orders for custom vinyl tumblers while simultaneously folding a mountain of tiny, mismatched socks, when my sisterβs fourteen-year-old nephew strolled in. He stepped...