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Letter to My Past Self: Surviving Twin Girls and a Baby Cat
Dear Tom. You're currently standing in the kitchen at 4:13 AM holding a half-empty bottle of Calpol, shivering in your dressing gown, and staring at a tiny, bewildered creature that your wife just brought home in a cardboard box. You...
The Brutal Truth About Baby Bracelets and Why I Totally Panicked
We were somewhere between the second slice of dry Victoria sponge and Florenceβs inevitable afternoon meltdown when my wife's great-aunt produced the velvet box. We had survived the actual christening with only a moderate amount of screaming (mostly from me,...
Searching for baby bowser: Screen time, hair bows, and pure panic
It was 6:14 on a Tuesday morning, a time when civilized society is safely asleep, but my living room looked like the aftermath of a minor coup. Twin A (Mia) was clutching the Nintendo Switch controller to her chest like...
The Truth About Baby Bows (And The Red Marks They Leave)
I was standing in the middle of a dusty Texas bluebonnet patch off Highway 290, sweating completely through my shirt while my four-month-old screamed like a tiny, furious baby Bowser. She was thrashing around, clawing at her own head, trying...
The Ultimate Guide to Baby GrΓΆΓe: Making Sense of Tiny Clothes
I was wrestling my oldest, Carter, into a zippered footie pajama at two in the morning, practically sweating through my own shirt. He was technically four months old, and the little tag scratching the back of his neck proudly proclaimed...
My Fictional Gangster Baby Daddy and the Reality of Co-Parenting
When we first found out we were having twins, the unsolicited advice arrived with the speed and aggression of a flock of London pigeons spotting a dropped chip. Three different people gave me entirely contradictory instructions on how to handle...
Why That Megan Fox Post-Baby Appearance Made Me Lose My Mind
The glowing numbers on the microwave read 3:14 AM, which I know because I had just logged a massive diaper blowout into our shared baby app using my left thumb while suspending my screaming four-month-old over the sink with my...
The Real Baby's Day Out Cast Needs a Lot More Than Movie Magic
My mother-in-law told me to just toss him in the grocery cart basket with a knitted blanket and call it a day. The teenage checkout clerk at HEB confidently informed me that babies shouldn't leave the house until they're at...
The brutal truth about baby shows: Expos, screens, and survival
Listen. I was thirty-four weeks pregnant, my ankles were swelling over the tops of my sneakers, and I was standing in the middle of McCormick Place in downtown Chicago. A very enthusiastic woman with a microphone was trying to sell...