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The Great Infant Hat Standoff: When Your Child Refuses to Wear One
My forehead is currently resting against the cold Victorian anaglypta wallpaper of our hallway, and I'm quietly pleading with a ten-month-old. She is holding her mustard-yellow knitted beanie in her left fist like a triumphant gladiator holding a severed head....
Confessions of a Clueless Runner: The Truth About Baby Joggers
I'm three miles deep into a caliche dirt road in rural Texas, sweat pooling in places I didn't know could sweat, pushing a thirty-dollar plastic umbrella stroller that sounds like a shopping cart with a square wheel. My oldest son,...
Debugging The Wardrobe: The Envelope Fold Revelation
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday when the system crashed. The baby monitor on my nightstand emitted a sound that was less of a cry and more of a wet, ominous sputtering noise. I stumbled into the nursery, bleary-eyed...
The Rihanna baby era changed how I view my postpartum body
It was three in the morning and my breast pump was making that rhythmic, soul-crushing mechanical wheeze. I was sitting on the edge of the bed in a pair of stained sweatpants, mindlessly scrolling through pop culture gossip while my...
Debugging The Complete System Failure Of Dressing A Baby Boy
I'm currently staring at a pair of dark wash, rigid denim jeans in size 9-12 months. My son is actively executing a perfect alligator death roll on the changing pad, and I'm supposed to somehow force his chaotic, rapidly expanding...
The Great Toddler Empathy Crisis and My Stained Maternity Shirt
I was exactly thirty-four weeks pregnant with Maya, sweating profoundly through a mustard-yellow maternity top that had a coffee stain shaped exactly like Florida right on the collarbone. It was 3:14 PM on a Tuesday, which is universally the worst...
Dear Past Tom: The Expensive, Absurd Reality of Baby Jordans
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently sweating through your grey t-shirt, pinning Florence between your knees while attempting to force her inexplicably square, fleshy foot into a miniature, stiff leather basketball shoe. She's screaming as if you've suggested...
Why Babydoll Dresses Are Secretly a Parent's Best Friend
It’s ninety-five degrees in East Texas, and my mother-in-law is trying to shoehorn my oldest child into a stiff, tulle monstrosity that looks like a wedding cake exploded. My kid is screaming like a feral cat in a church pew....
The Baby Cow Confusion: Milk Rules and Adorable Bovine Trends
It was 2018, I was wearing a stained nursing tank that smelled faintly of sour yogurt, and I made the ultimate rookie parenting mistake. Leo was ten months old, we were completely out of his usual formula, and it was...