Surviving the Baby Bull Phase: Blenders, Bulldogs, and Purees
I was standing in my kitchen wearing yesterday's yoga pants, staring at a splatter of neon orange sweet potato on my ceiling while our rescue pit mix tried to lick the matching orange stain off my six-month-old's foot. The myth...
Surviving the 3 AM Panic: A British Dad's Guide to Baby Rash Cream
The glow of the GroEgg in the corner of the nursery was an ominous, angry red, which felt entirely appropriate given what I was about to uncover inside Florence's sleepsuit. It was 3:14 in the morning, a time when human...
Why The Sudden Obsession With Baby Rosalina Threw Me For A Loop
It was exactly 4:12 PM on a rainy Thursday, and I was wearing my husband Dave's oversized college sweatshirt which smells faintly of old garlic and desperation, staring completely dead-eyed at our living room TV. Maya, my seven-year-old, was sobbing...
The Baby Rottweiler Protocol: Debugging Life With a 100-Pound Dog
The system totally crashed on a Tuesday at 4:13 PM. It was pouring rain here in Portland, which meant our 115-pound dog, Buster, had completely refused to step outside to use the bathroom and was currently running on 100 percent...
Dear Past Jess: Surviving The Great Baby Saja Demon Incident
Dear Jess of six months ago: Right now, you're standing in the hallway at 2:43 AM holding a shrieking three-year-old who's absolutely convinced the walls are bleeding. Your oldest is asleep in the next room, snoring peacefully, completely unaware that...
Baby Saja Demon Form: Pop Culture Lore vs My Real Witching Hour
It was exactly 5:14 PM on a Tuesday, which is historically the worst possible time to be alive in my house, when my seven-year-old Maya walked into the kitchen wearing one of my expensive black eyeliner pencils smeared completely across...
Why That Viral Baby Saja Trend Totally Freaked Me Out
It was 8:14 on a Tuesday morning and I was wearing Dave’s college sweatpants with a hardened crust of what I think was blueberry oatmeal on the knee, aggressively pressing the brew button on my coffee maker for the third...
Debugging 3 AM Meltdowns With The Happiest Baby On The Block
Here's exactly what you shouldn't do when your system goes down at three in the morning: try to read the manual by the light of a camping headlamp while bouncing on an exercise ball and holding a screaming infant like...
The Have a Baby With Me Daniel Caesar Lie You Actually Believe
I was sitting in my Honda CR-V in the garage with the engine off. It was a Tuesday. My toddler was finally asleep upstairs, and I was just staring at the steering wheel while the Bluetooth kept playing whatever Spotify...