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The 3 AM Nostalgia Spiral and the January 10th Beanie Baby
I was wearing my husband Dave's college sweatpants—the ones with the mysterious bleach hole near the left knee—balancing a lukewarm mug of dark roast on my nursing pillow, while frantically refreshing an auction site on my phone. My left breast...
How long do baby birds stay in the nest before flying away?
"Don't touch it, the mother will smell your grubby little hands and disown it forever!" I shrieked, lunging across the damp London grass with the grace of a man who hasn't slept a full night since the twins were born...
Why I Went Down a Late-Night Rabbit Hole About Crib Scandals
I was holding a 20-volt DeWalt impact driver in one hand and a piece of splintered, ostensibly non-toxic mahogany in the other when my wife gently suggested from the doorway that I was "doing it wrong." It was a Tuesday...
Troubleshooting the New Mums and Baby Gifts Australia Market
Three different people gave me completely conflicting advice when my sister in Sydney had her baby last month. My neighbor here in Portland told me to ship a six-foot plush kangaroo because "babies love scale." My childless project manager suggested...
How a Tiny Mola Fish Baby Fixed My Sustainable Parenting Guilt
It was 6:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing Dave’s old college sweatpants backwards because the dog had thrown up on mine. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen, clutching yesterday’s lukewarm coffee in a chipped...
Lactose Free Formula For Babies: A Dad's Guide To Gut Bugs
It's 3:14 AM. I'm standing in our Portland kitchen, bathed in the harsh blue light of the microwave clock, frantically whisking a brand-new can of soy powder into a bottle while my 11-month-old screams like a dial-up modem connecting to...
The kriss_baby_ leaks webcam scare: Why I tossed our monitor
My husband was standing in the hallway in his underwear at two in the morning, aggressively poking the back of our internet router with a bent paperclip while swearing under his breath. I was sitting on the floor of the...
Troubleshooting The September 19 Birthday Twin Plushie Trend
I'll tell you exactly what not to do when you finally receive that crinkly, retro-smelling package from a vintage seller on the internet: don't immediately hand the twenty-six-year-old plush toy to your teething eleven-month-old. I made this exact logic error...
My 3 AM Nursery Bug Panic: Identifying Those Tiny Pale Crawlers
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. I know this specific time because the glowing green numbers on Leo's sound machine were burning a hole into my retinas while I sat frozen on the floor of his nursery. I was...