My Guide to Every Type of Gap Baby You Will Actually Encounter
I was sitting on the sticky linoleum floor of the Woodfield Mall family restroom when the reality of my life choices hit me. My toddler was screaming at a decibel level that usually triggers a code blue on a pediatric...
Waiting For The First Real Smile Without Losing Your Mind
It was three in the morning during a brutal Chicago February, and the radiator in our apartment was making that rhythmic hissing sound. I was holding my son after a feed, staring at his squished face in the dim light...
The Reality of Fitting a Baby Grand Piano in a House with Toddlers
I'm currently on my hands and knees in the lounge, holding one end of a metal tape measure while Maya, who's two, tries to eat the other end. Her twin sister, Lily, is repeatedly smashing a wooden spoon against the...
Waiting For A Giggle: When Do Babies Actually Start Laughing?
Right now, you're standing in the middle of the living room wearing a bright yellow plastic colander on your head while rhythmically striking a wooden spoon against your thigh. You're sweating through a t-shirt that smells faintly of sour milk...
The absolute madness of tracking baby milestones in year one
I'm staring at a colour-coded spreadsheet at 2:14 in the morning while one of my daughters attempts to eat a rogue piece of lint she found in the folds of my pyjama top. The spreadsheet is titled 'Infant Progress Tracker'...
When Do Babies Crawl? A Tech Dad's Guide to the Locomotion Update
My mom told me my younger brother was sprinting across the living room carpet at six months old. The barista at our local Portland coffee shop—who has definitely never had a child—insisted that his nephew didn't move an inch until...
The baby teeth chart lie: What to expect when fangs arrive
I've got my knee gently pinning her left arm to the carpet, my elbow blocking her right, while I try to wedge a clean index finger past her lips. She has just ruined her first baby tee of the morning...
Raising a Baby Huey: When Your Infant Is Off the Charts
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was losing a wrestling match against a seven-month-old. The left leg went into the sleep sack fine, but the right leg was suddenly entirely incompatible with the fabric, mostly because the...
The 2 AM Panic: When Your Little One Finally Flips Over
It was exactly 2:13 AM on a Tuesday when the illusion of control in my parenting life officially shattered. My oldest, Leo—who's now five and still my primary cautionary tale for most things in life—was three and a half months...