Letter To Myself About The Baby Jogger City Mini GT2
Dear Marcus from six months ago. You're currently standing in the middle of a baby store aisle, sweating in your gray hoodie, trying to mentally compute tire diameters while staring at a wall of black canvas. You look ridiculous. Just...
Debugging Baby Gift Baskets: What Sleep-Deprived Parents Need
It’s 3:14 AM. I'm holding a screaming, seven-pound potato in one arm while desperately trying to rip through industrial-grade cellophane with my teeth. The target? A tiny tube of diaper cream buried at the absolute center of one of the...
Writing Honest Baby Shower Greetings When Your Mind is Blank
Dear Jess from six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting in the sweltering driver's seat of your Honda Odyssey in the Target parking lot, the air conditioner blasting directly into your face while you try...
The absolute chaos of deploying a modern baby shower invite
I'm staring at a Google Sheet with 64 rows of mailing addresses, and my brain is completely buffering. My wife, Sarah, is sitting next to me on the couch, asking if we should upgrade to the 120-pound matte cardstock or...
Debugging Baby Shower Messages: A Clueless Dad's Before and After
It's 11:14 PM, the nursery thermostat is locked exactly at 69.5 degrees because my wife insists that's the good sleep environment, and I'm staring at a blank piece of cardstock. The baby monitor on my desk looks like a paranormal...
The Truth About Custom Baby Onesies: A Letter To My Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. It's October 14th, 2:13 AM, and you're sitting on the very edge of the living room rug, wearing those disgusting gray fleece college sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left knee...
The Truth About Baby Dresses No One Tells New Parents
My oldest daughter was exactly three months old, and I was sweating straight through my deodorant trying to shove her chunky little arms into a stiff, sequined tulle monstrosity for Easter Sunday while she screamed like I was actively torturing...
Smart Baby Boy Shower Ideas That Aren't Blue Plastic Bowties
I'm currently sitting on the concrete floor of my garage in ninety-degree Texas heat, staring into a plastic storage bin from 2018. It's filled to the absolute brim with paper mustaches on sticks, neon blue plastic bowties, and tiny glittery...
An Honest Letter to Past Tom About the Best Baby Shower Gifts
I'm currently staring at a cashmere baby cardigan roughly the size of a teacup, aggressively regretting my life choices. My mate Dave’s gathering is tomorrow afternoon, and I'm writing this as a therapeutic exercise directed entirely at my past self—specifically...