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Surviving New York With Twins: An Albee Baby Survival Guide
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently standing outside a Pret A Manger in Heathrow Terminal 5, confidently holding two passports covered in a sticky, mysterious residue. Florence is attempting to dismantle a display of stale croissants with the...
My Coffee Disaster and the Wild Reality of Sixty-Year-Old Parenting
My feet were literally sticking to the linoleum. It's 6:12 AM on a Tuesday, I'm wearing Mark's faded college hoodie that smells permanently like old milk and vague regret, and Maya is aggressively trying to shove a plastic triceratops into...
Surviving the Absolute Avalanche of Useless Newborn Baby Stuff
At 34 weeks pregnant, my wife and I entered a fugue state in a suburban retail park and bought a machine specifically designed to heat baby wipes to exactly 37 degrees Celsius. I remember standing at the till, handing over...
Why surviving twin toddlers requires literal tactical baby gear
There's a rather pervasive myth floating around the parenting forums right now. They'll enthusiastically tell you that fathers only buy militarised rucksacks because they're tragically insecure about their own masculinity. People assume we're terrified of holding a floral tote bag,...
Debugging Gravity: When Do Babies Start Sitting Up Usually?
It's currently 7:14 PM, and I'm building a fortress of couch cushions around my eleven-month-old daughter on our living room rug. She is folded entirely in half, staring intensely at a piece of lint she found near the coffee table....
Ready For Baby One More Time? A Dad's Glitchy Guide
It was 3:14 AM. The air was thick with the smell of organic sweet potato puree and sheer desperation. Our 11-month-old, Leo, had just executed a flawless system override by projectile vomiting directly into my left slipper. I was standing...
The Great Staircase Panic: A Messy Guide to Baby Gates
It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, I was wearing one wool sock and one ankle sock, and I had my back turned to the living room for exactly four seconds to pour my second cup of coffee....
Why I Tossed My Plastic Toys For A Wooden Spielbogen Baby Gym
It was 2:00 PM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on my living room rug nursing a lukewarm coffee while a giant plastic jungle gym flashed neon green lights directly into my six-week-old's eyeballs. The thing was blaring some...
Finding The Right Baby Carrier Without Losing Your Mind
I'm standing next to our ridiculously tiny baby car in the pouring rain in a grocery store parking lot, crying over a twenty-foot piece of stretchy bamboo fabric. Leo is exactly four weeks old, screaming from the depths of his...