Baby Got Back: Surviving Sleep Paranoia and Toddler Defiance
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen on day three of fatherhood to firmly insist that babies must sleep on their fronts, otherwise they'll choke on their own spit-up and perish before dawn. The NHS health visitor, who arrived three...
The Truth About Baby Crocs: A Tale of Sweaty Feet and Tears
There's a very specific sound a toddler makes right before gravity wins. It's a sharp intake of breath, followed immediately by the distinctive, hollow thwack of foam rubber failing to grip damp pavement on a slight incline. It was a...
Surviving Backyard Baby Chicks When You Already Have A Toddler
We were standing in the middle of a farm supply store somewhere in the Illinois suburbs when my husband decided we needed to teach our two-year-old about food sustainability. He was holding a cardboard box that vibrated with high-pitched chirps,...
Why that hyper-realistic baby doll is a terrible idea for your kid
Listen. I was standing in my friend Maya's kitchen last Tuesday when she proudly unboxed a four-hundred-dollar reborn silicone infant for her two-year-old. The thing had hand-painted translucent veins, micro-rooted eyelashes, and the exact dead weight of a sleeping newborn....
Dear past me: The ugly truth about the bitty baby
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the floor of the Target toy aisle while Maya has a full code blue meltdown over a generic plastic doll with terrifying eyelashes. You're rubbing your temples, staring at the...
A letter to myself before I pressed play on that movie
Dear Priya from six months ago. Listen. Put down the television remote and step away from the streaming menu. I know it's eight in the evening, your toddler has been screaming about steering wheels since naptime, and you're operating on...
The ugly truth about the peachy baby slime trend
My sister-in-law swore the viral slime was a sensory miracle that would make my toddler a genius. The neighborhood mom-group president warned us it was highly toxic chemical waste that would melt our floors. Then my old ER charge nurse...
How We Built a Baby Saja Costume (Without the Meltdown)
I was holding a detached, highly synthetic faux-collar in my left hand while my eleven-month-old son actively tried to eat a teal polyester wig. This was iteration one of the baby Saja outfit, ordered at 2 AM from a drop-shipping...
The hostage negotiation of the sorry baby apology milestone
The soft rubber block bounced directly off my collarbone and landed in my lukewarm coffee. It splashed onto my only clean pair of leggings. My two-year-old stood across the living room, chest heaving, waiting for the fallout. I looked over...