Eruption Cyst Baby: Troubleshooting That Terrifying Purple Gum Bubble
Don't hold a tactical flashlight between your teeth while using a plastic baby spoon as a tongue depressor to examine a dark purple, terrifyingly squishy bubble on your baby's upper gum, because it'll only lead to a frantic attempt to...
The 3AM Google Search Disaster: A Baby Alien Sex Tape Incident
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm holding what can only be described as a glowing green piece of plastic covered in a thick, gelatinous layer of twin toddler saliva. My left eye is twitching in a rhythm that vaguely...
Surviving the 3AM Drool Fest: The Quest for a Safe Cold Teether
The blue light of the freezer illuminated my despair at precisely 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. Behind me, from the nursery, emanated a twin-stereo wailing that sounded less like human infants and more like a flock of seagulls fighting over...
The Great Teething Toy Mix-Up: Babies, Bunnies, and Panic
It was 11:14 AM on a Tuesday in 2018, and I was wearing a pair of maternity leggings I legally should have burned three months prior. Maya was nine months old, screaming the kind of high-pitched, gum-throbbing scream that makes...
How Many Bibs Do I Need? A Tech Dad’s Guide To Drool Mathematics
Tuesday, 3:14 AM. I'm standing in our freezing laundry room holding a tiny, sour-milk-soaked triangle of fabric by two fingers, staring into the dark void of the dryer drum. My wife is upstairs walking our screaming 11-month-old in tight circles,...
The Great Silicone Panic and What Goes In My Twins' Mouths
I was standing in the middle of our cramped London kitchen, clutching a mint green weaning spoon, when the conflicting advice reached a deafening crescendo. My mother-in-law had just confidently declared over FaceTime that anything squishy was inherently toxic and...
Why the Haakaa style silicone teether finally ended my 3am nightmare
I'm standing at the kitchen sink at 3:14 in the morning, wearing a dressing gown that smells faintly of sour milk and despair, aggressively attacking a tiny nylon mesh bag with an old toothbrush. In the background, Maya is wailing...
The ultimate teething necklace for mum (and dad's collarbone)
It's exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, the ambient temperature of the nursery is locked at 68.5 degrees, and I'm sweating entirely through my vintage Portland Timbers t-shirt. The baby is currently thrashing in my arms, his fingernails digging into...
Why Your Collarbones Need A Mum Teething Necklace Right Now
My mother-in-law told me to rub a drop of brandy on his gums. My lactation consultant suggested I hold a tightly rolled washcloth over my chest to prevent the tiny, razor-sharp fingernail scratches. A woman in my neighborhood mom-group swore...