Magazine

A dad holding two muddy toddlers wearing mixed organic and fast fashion basics

The Truth About Old Navy Baby Clothes and Toddler Mud

Don't, under any circumstances, dress two newly-mobile toddlers in matching cream linen rompers for a casual stroll through a damp London park in November. I did this exactly once, under the tragic, sleep-deprived delusion that I could maintain my pre-kids...

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An 11 month old baby boy stuck in the corner of a living room

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner: A Dad's Guide To The Reverse Gear

It was exactly 6:14 PM, the thermostat was holding steady at 68.5 degrees, and I was watching my 11-month-old son slowly reverse himself into the precise 90-degree angle where the drywall meets the glass sliding door. He looked like a...

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Exhausted dad looking at his phone in a dark room while a new born baby sleeps in a bassinet.

Total System Crash: Troubleshooting Our New Born Baby on Night Four

It’s 3:14 AM on our fourth night home, and I'm standing over the bassinet holding my phone flashlight like an idiot, trying to count the chest rises of a 7-pound human. My wife is asleep for the first time in...

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Tired dad holding twin baby girls while trying to read a parenting book

My Fictional Gangster Baby Daddy and the Reality of Co-Parenting

When we first found out we were having twins, the unsolicited advice arrived with the speed and aggression of a flock of London pigeons spotting a dropped chip. Three different people gave me entirely contradictory instructions on how to handle...

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A dusty 90s plush bear sitting next to a modern organic silicone baby teether

The Truth About The Most Expensive Beanie Babies

I'm sitting on the concrete floor of my parents' garage in the Chicago suburbs, sneezing thirty years of dust out of my nose. In front of me is a massive plastic storage bin labeled with my name and the phrase...

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Mom adjusting the straps on a newborn with low muscle tone in a car seat

Stop Saying Mongoloid Baby: Real Talk About Down Syndrome

I was sweating straight through my maternity leggings in the back of our Honda Odyssey, crying so hard I couldn’t see the buckles. It was August in rural Texas, which is basically the surface of the sun, and we hadn’t...

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Stressed mom holding a remote control looking shocked at the TV screen

Dear Past Jess: Please Do Not Put On That Million Dollar Baby Film

Dear exhausted Jess from six months ago, You’re currently sitting on the beige sectional that smells vaguely of sour milk and desperation. It's raining sideways here in rural Texas, your Etsy shop orders are backed up to the moon, and...

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A tired dad holding a baby while looking at his smartphone in a dark room.

Why That Megan Fox Post-Baby Appearance Made Me Lose My Mind

The glowing numbers on the microwave read 3:14 AM, which I know because I had just logged a massive diaper blowout into our shared baby app using my left thumb while suspending my screaming four-month-old over the sink with my...

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Tired dad holding a smartphone while twin toddlers play in the background

The Mason Disick Baby Hoax and My Massive Digital Parenting Panic

My mum told me on Tuesday that if I ever post another photo of the girls online, criminals on the dark web will steal their identities and open credit cards in their names. A bloke I vaguely know from the...

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