The "Where Is Mama" Phase Is Ruining My Ping
14.3 seconds. I checked my smartwatch. Thatβs exactly how long it took me to walk from the living room play area, step over the dog gate, open the fridge, grab a lime seltzer, and walk back. But when I crossed...
A Mom's Messy Guide to Figuring Out if Your Baby Chicks are Roosters
Dear Jess from six months ago, who's currently standing in the middle of the feed store with a baby on your hip, a toddler hanging on your leg, and a four-year-old begging for a fuzzy yellow cotton ball... Put the...
The Honest Truth About Buying H&M For Your Baby's Wardrobe
Iβm currently staring at a mountain of beige ribbed leggings that have somehow survived three kids, while desperately trying to stretch the neck hole of a brand new so-called sustainable bodysuit that my youngest just got his giant head stuck...
What Age Do Babies Start Crawling? A Tech Dad's Reality Check
I'm lying flat on the cold oak floor of our Portland living room with a digital laser measure, trying to calculate the exact trajectory of my eleven-month-old daughter. She isn't moving toward me. She's pushing herself violently backward like a...
What Is A Baby Boomer? A Survival Guide to Modern Grandparents
Don't, under any circumstances, pull up a PDF from the NHS while your father is trying to demonstrate how to properly swaddle an infant using a terrifyingly thick, incredibly scratchy polyester quilt from 1982. I did this during our first...
Exactly What Is A Baby Fox Called? (And Other Garden Debates)
Don't confidently tell your two-year-old twins that the small, twitchy orange creature currently investigating a discarded nappy by your garden bins is a 'puppy.' I made this exact catastrophic error last Tuesday at 6:15 am, desperate for five more minutes...
The Great Baby Diaper Delusion: What Nobody Tells You About The Poop
"You absolutely have to use cloth, it's the only way to avoid the toxins," my mother-in-law said, handing me a stack of what looked like medieval torture bandages while I was exactly thirty-eight weeks pregnant and sweating through my maternity...
Dear Past Sarah: The Ash Baby GIF Meme Is Not A Medical Crisis
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago, I'm staring at my glowing phone screen in the absolute pitch black of my kitchen at 3 AM, clutching my fourth cup of lukewarm decaf and absolutely convinced that my youngest child is...
Are Beanie Babies Worth Anything? A Nostalgia Reality Check
Rain is aggressively hitting my Chicago apartment windows while I try to wrestle a screaming toddler away from the front door. The UPS driver just dumped three massive, duct-taped Rubbermaid bins in the hallway. I recognize my mother-in-law's handwriting instantly....