The Suki Baby Trend: What Touring Rockstars Forget to Tell You
I was standing in Terminal B at DFW airport, dripping sweat onto my carry-on bag, trying to figure out which of the fourteen plastic clips on my baby carrier was currently digging a trench into my left rib. I had...
The Brutal Truth About Bouncing Your Infant In A Plastic Cage
When my middle child turned five months old, my mother dragged a massive, brightly colored, heavily plastic contraption into my living room right in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner. It was one of those freestanding bouncing activity centers that takes...
Why the baby fairy is a villainess trend ruined my whole week
I caught my teenage niece slipping her iPad to my two-year-old at Sunday dinner. The screen was a wash of pastel pinks, featuring a big-eyed, rosy-cheeked toddler in a frilly dress. I was tired. I was eating cold palak paneer....
Why The Boss Baby Movie Is A Brutally Accurate Medical Drama
It was six in the evening. The Chicago wind was doing that thing where it aggressively rattles the windowpanes just to remind you that going outside is a terrible idea. My toddler was sitting on my knee, methodically crushing a...
The Truth About Googoo Babies (And What Mine Are Actually Saying)
Iβm currently elbow-deep in printing shipping labels for my Etsy shop while my youngest, Levi, is having what sounds like a very heated political debate with the ceiling fan. Heβs six months old, completely pantsless, covered in what I hope...
The 3 AM Search for Goo Goo Babies Uma Musume and Real Life
The iPad was glowing with an accusatory harshness against the peeling wallpaper of our London flat, illuminating a very specific kind of 3 AM domestic hell. Lily, the slightly more volatile of my two-year-old twin girls, had just violently expelled...
Why I Stopped Talking to My Infant Like a Tiny Corporate Executive
There's this very specific, slightly yellowish stain on the left shoulder of my vintage Ramones t-shirt. I got the shirt at a thrift store in 2018, back when I had things like "free time" and "disposable income," but the stain...
Acoustics of the Womb and My Metal Baking Sheet Drop Disaster
The noise sounded like a Ford Taurus crashing into a cymbal factory. It was just me dropping six aluminum baking sheets onto the kitchen tile, but in our quiet Portland apartment, the acoustic shockwave was violently loud. Our dog scrambled...
When Do Babies Start Cooing? A Real Mom's Guide to Early Sounds
I was sweating through my third nursing tank of the day in the cab of my F-150 outside the local feed store in mid-July. My oldest, Wyatt, was exactly eight weeks old and sitting in his car seat looking at...