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The Great Baby Doppler Debug: Why I Stopped Tracking Heartbeats
My mother told me that if I just pressed a toilet paper tube against my wifeβs belly, I could hear the babyβs heartbeat perfectly. A senior developer on my team swore by buying a discarded clinical-grade ultrasound machine off eBay...
Baby Buddha Pump: Why This Tiny Device Is A Vacuum Engine
It's 2 AM on a Tuesday. My wife is sitting in the glider, holding this sleek black plastic rectangle that's honestly smaller than my smartphone. We bought it because the internet forums promised it was a "cute" and "highly portable"...
Dear me from 6 months ago: The Baby Brezza Bottle Washer Pro
Dear me from six months ago, You're currently standing at the kitchen sink. It's, like, 3:14 AM. You're wearing those gray Target sweatpants that have a mysterious crusty spot on the left knee and your hair is in a knot...
The Blunt Truth About Retractable Baby Gates (And My Worst Night)
It was 6:15 PM, I had a half-empty jar of marinara sauce tucked under my left arm, a screaming six-month-old anchored on my right hip, and my two-year-old was actively trying to feed the dog a AAA battery he found...
The Tush Baby Survival Guide: Why I Wear a Tactical Hip Shelf
We were somewhere near the dinosaur skeletons at the Natural History Museum when my left bicep finally went on strike. Maya had decided the floor was lava, Chloe had decided the pram was a medieval torture device, and I was...
The Brutally Honest Truth About Buying an UPPAbaby Stroller
My husband was holding an iced coffee that was dripping condensation all over a display of breast pumps, staring at the price tag like it had just insulted his ancestors. We were standing in the middle of Buy Buy BabyβRIP...
The Truth About Baby Bliss (And Why It Doesn't Have a Power Cord)
The smell of singed nylon bathmat is something that stays with you. I was standing in my cramped Chicago bathroom, trying to salvage two hours of sleep with some under-eye concealer, when Kiran started doing his signature banshee wail from...
Surviving New York With Twins: An Albee Baby Survival Guide
Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently standing outside a Pret A Manger in Heathrow Terminal 5, confidently holding two passports covered in a sticky, mysterious residue. Florence is attempting to dismantle a display of stale croissants with the...
My Coffee Disaster and the Wild Reality of Sixty-Year-Old Parenting
My feet were literally sticking to the linoleum. It's 6:12 AM on a Tuesday, I'm wearing Mark's faded college hoodie that smells permanently like old milk and vague regret, and Maya is aggressively trying to shove a plastic triceratops into...