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Why finding a real usa baby tee is a nightmare (and how to fix it)
Yellow mustard poop all the way up the shoulder blades. That's what I was dealing with at two in the morning in my freezing Chicago apartment, trying to pry a rigid, zero-stretch miniature t-shirt over my screaming son's head. I...
My Complete Breakdown Over The Trendy Baby Tee Crop Top Phase
It was exactly 9:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I was bent at a perfect ninety-degree angle over the damp sand at Centennial Park, frantically trying to dig what looked like a half-chewed cigarette butt out of my four-year-old Mayaβs...
The ultimate guide to surviving pants for baby (and their parents)
Twin A's left leg is currently trapped in the right armhole of a sleepsuit, while Twin B has somehow managed to remove her entire lower half of clothing using only the corner of the coffee table and sheer, unadulterated willpower....
The survival guide to the baby knit pullover
It was thirty degrees in Chicago last November, and my fourteen-month-old was doing the alligator death roll on the living room rug. I was attempting to line up three microscopic buttons on a very trendy, very stiff denim jacket his...
Baby Rompers Changed My Life: Why I Threw Away All My Infant Pants
Seven years ago, it's 3:14 AM. I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor of my daughter Mayaβs nursery in a stained, oversized Nirvana t-shirt, weeping silently while trying to pull a pair of miniature, stiff denim jeans over a bulging, blowout-level...
Baby Strampler Bedrucken: The Brutal Truth About Custom Onesies
I was standing in the blistering heat of a Target parking lot in mid-July, holding my screaming four-month-old oldest son, frantically trying to peel a stiff, sweat-soaked custom onesie off his bright red, angry chest. My mother-in-law had gifted us...
The Day a Snapless Sweater Romper Broke My Parenting Firmware
I'm standing in the incredibly cramped, dimly lit bathroom of a Stumptown Coffee on Belmont, holding my 11-month-old son suspended in mid-air like a ticking bomb. He has just experienced a Level 4 containment breach. The payload has escaped the...
The Truth About Baby Knitting Patterns (And What Actually Works)
Maya was exactly eighteen days old and I was sitting on our beige living room rug in sweatpants that hadn't been washed since the Obama administration, crying over a tiny sleeve. It was somewhere around 2 PM, though time is...
Decoding What to Wear to a Baby Shower Without Losing Your Mind
I'm currently standing in my bedroom, holding my 11-month-old daughter who's actively trying to unbuckle my smartwatch with her single newly-erupted tooth, while watching my wife pull her seventh floral midi dress out of the closet. Our bed looks like...