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Dear Past Me: Please Put Down That Baby Percentile Calculator
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the faded living room rug with a floppy yellow sewing tape measure in one hand and your phone in the other, furiously typing slightly inaccurate measurements into a baby percentile...
The Myth That Ruined My Newborn Days (And The Baby Orangutan Fix)
I was wearing Tom's vintage college hoodieβthe gray one with the mysterious yellow mustard stain from 2014βand it was somewhere around 3:17 AM. Maya was three weeks old and screaming like I'd personally offended her entire bloodline. I had a...
Why The Whole Infant Octopus Trend Almost Broke My Mama Sanity
I was standing at my kitchen island at 2:00 PM on a Tuesday, poking a slick, purple tentacle with a pair of tongs, questioning every life choice that had led me to this moment. My oldest son, Liam, was fourteen...
Dear Jess: Surviving the Baby in Yellow Phase (And Other Shocks)
Dear Jess from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the peeling linoleum of the downstairs bathroom at 3 AM, holding your three-day-old up to the harsh vanity lights, trying to figure out if you're sleep-deprived and hallucinating or if...
Baby Crying: The Absolute Truth About Fussy Newborns
I'm just gonna be real with you: my oldest sonβs newborn phase is the reason I've a permanent stress-induced twitch in my left eye. I vividly remember standing in my dark pantry at two o'clock in the morning, aggressively rocking...
The Brutally Honest Truth About Buying an UPPAbaby Stroller
My husband was holding an iced coffee that was dripping condensation all over a display of breast pumps, staring at the price tag like it had just insulted his ancestors. We were standing in the middle of Buy Buy BabyβRIP...
When Do Babies Sleep Through the Night? The Brutal, Exhausting Truth
It was exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. Maya was four months old, and I was sitting on a violently blue yoga ball in the middle of her nursery. I was wearing my husband Dave's old college sweatpantsβthe ones with...
Exactly Why Can't Babies Have Honey Before Their First Birthday
We were in Naperville at my in-laws' house for Sunday dinner. The baby was seven months old, teething heavily, and screaming with the kind of high-pitched intensity that makes your teeth vibrate. I stepped into the guest bathroom for exactly...
The Completely Honest Survival Guide to Your First Baby Bath
I was sitting on the freezing cold hex tiles of our master bathroom, wearing a nursing bra that smelled strongly of sour milk, crying. It was 2017, Leo was exactly eight days old, and my husband Dave was holding him...